Success As A Mother

When my birthday approached as my children were growing up they would ask what present they could get me. My response was always the same, “I want a clean, quiet house.” With eight children all living active, busy and often noisy lives that was the greatest gift I could desire. As my most recent birthday approached a month ago I received a note from one of my married sons. He told me that since his room was already clean and that he wasn’t around to be either noisy or quiet he would have to settle with telling me what a great mom I have been. I was very touched because not just ten minutes earlier I had been questioning my abilities as a mother, grandmother and mother-in-law. I do not know why we women are so hard on ourselves but we are. Such negative introspection just seems to be built in our make-up. It is as if we carry this backpack full of guilt and thoughts on why we aren’t as good as someone else. I’m starting to realize that motherhood is an imperfect science. There are too many variables that enter in and too many different personalities and situations in child rearing that can influence and alter the results you desire. That “agency” factor comes into play too many times.

I read an article the other day that gave me great insight and I would like to pass on this bit of information. Written by Howard W. Hunter in the November 1983 Ensign he provided counsel on being a parent in the world. I find that truth does not need a date to be pertinent. “A successful parent is one who has loved, one who has sacrificed, and one who has cared for, taught and ministered to the needs of a child. If you have done all of these and your child is still wayward or troublesome or worldly, it could well be that you are, nevertheless, a successful parent. Perhaps there are children who have come into the world that would challenge any set of parents under any set of circumstances. Likewise, perhaps there are others who would bless the lives of and be a joy to almost any father or mother.”

These words give me comfort for several reasons. It helps to explain the variables that exist while raising a child and helps me realize that the measurement of success is not in the worldly honors, fame or glory that your child earns or even the callings they receive in the Church. Success is simply the ability to love.

Several years ago I saw a sign posted in a dentist office that I have often reflected upon. It stated, “The only things you owe your child are: 1. A religious upbringing; 2. An education; 3. Straighten their teeth.” I have found that to be true. Our responsibility as a mother is not in your child’s success but in their foundation. They choose what is built upon that foundation. The teachings of the gospel give them an understanding of eternal principles and laws; an education enables them an understanding of life, preparation to provide for themselves and others and to give back to society; and straight teeth provides oneself a positive self-esteem and confidence. Together they afford a child the ability to achieve and strive for higher goals.

My house is clean and much quieter than it used to be. My children come home far too infrequently, just for visits. The foundations have been formed. Now is the time to watch and enjoy the structures that are built on those foundations.