Gratitude Not Grief

With Easter approaching I have been contemplating what we are to learn through the separation caused by death? I am hoping those who have passed on are just as eager to have our loved ones, “come home,” as we are as grieved to see them go?

Our Family recently had the opportunity of experience the death of a wonderful father and grandfather. It was a blessing for us a family to take part in his care. He was able to die in his own home, surrounded by those who truly loved him and who had his best interest at heart.

With every blessing comes the sacrifice. Yes, it was very stressful scheduling his twenty-four hour a day care between family members and grandchildren, communication and miscommunication and busy work schedules. Not to mention his daughter who put her life on hold for nearly a year while she became the primary care giver and constant companion to her father. No words can express our gratitude to her and I can’t even begin to comprehend the gratitude and feelings of love that our father has for her. I only hope that her example of compassion will rub off onto my own children.

The joyful and happy side of the blessing comes in watching this life cycle. We would visit him, knowing that time was short, and listen to his counsel. We once asked him if he had any regrets in life. He not lonely shared them, but he also imparted his most important lesson of life. This man had been a college president, involved with the Kiwanis Club, a Lt. Col. In the U.S. Army Reserve. He was respected, praised and admired by the community as he rubbed shoulders with influential people. Many hours and years were put into his professional career to be successful. Yet, here he was in the twilight of life is telling us that the most important accomplishments of his life were his children and grandchildren. To see this softening and gratitude take place in him was a wonder.

We loved visiting with him and one day his golf-enthusiast son asked, “Dad, do you think there is gold in heaven?”

“Well, I don’t know but I hope there is.”

“Dad, do you think you could five me a sign if there is?”

“I don’t know if they will let me do that.”

“Dad, if there is and you can, let the sign be that you help me make a hole in one the first time we play golf after you die.”

“Well, I’ll see what I can do.”

We spent many good times with him. Those quiet moments will never to forgotten and always appreciated. My youngest daughter will always remember the last words of praise to her. My older children will remember watching his favorite movies with him while they were taking their turn in his care giving. His favorite candy, that he made sure was always in his home is now given by the children and grandchildren to each other at Christmas time. So wonderful was this opportunity that our grief has been changed to gratitude. We had gratitude for his life and for what he taught us both by words and example. Since he died, we often say, “Gratitude not grief.”

I have come to realize that growth takes place in both the one who passes on and the one who stays behind. I marvel at the wisdom of our Father in Heaven. Even though we miss him we know where he is. Now his body isn’t old and frail and he doesn’t hurt. He can do for himself once more. We even suspect he is organizing everything again just as he did in this life. But best of all he has taken with him the softening and knowledge that he gained in this life. Knowing him and his love for being busy and active I’ll bet the wonders why he struggled so hard to stay here with us.

And for anyone who is even the least bit interested… Yes, there is gold in heaven! A hole in one was hit during the first golf trip after the funeral!

The Natural Man

"Those who have chosen to come unto Christ soon realize that they do not own themselves. Instead, they belong to Him. We are to become consecrated along with our gifts, our appointed days, and our very selves. Hence, there is a stark difference between stubbornly owning oneself and submissively belonging to God."

--Neal A. Maxwell, "Put Off the Natural Man, and Come Off Conqueror", Ensign, November 1990, 14

D&C 84:38

Explaining Christ's Sacrifice

The title of this editorial is “Mom’s Corner” so I figure abut 90% of the men just pass it over.  With that thought in mind I would like to take the liberty to share with you an approach which has enabled me to explain to my children the atonement and the sacrifice that our Savior made for us using a very female based perspective.

Some year’s back one of my children asked me why Jesus had to be nailed to the cross and die like He did?  Why wasn’t there another way for Him to sacrifice for us so that our sins would be forgiven?  He felt badly that Jesus had to die for him almost as if it were his fault. I was impressed that an 8 year old understood so much about the atonement.  I thought to myself, “How do I explain this one so he will understand and appreciate the act of love Christ did for him personally?” While I was pondering his question I looked down at my very pregnant body and felt the baby within me move.  I lovingly responded back to my unborn child’s movement with my hand rubbing over the area that was moving.  Then taking my son’s hand I let him also feel his little brother and we shared a moment of excitement over this new life that was soon going to come into our home.  With that simple act I realized what to say to my son and how to explain Christ’s sacrifice for us.  I also saw the way to explain why Christ willingly gave His life for us as an act of pure love.

Each of the eight times I have given birth I have dreaded the thought of actually going through the childbirth experience again.  I often said to myself. “I wished there was another way to have this baby.”  Modern medications profess to “take the edge off” but that is really just a medical cover up.  The process is still the same.  There is no other way to give birth to a child than through pain and suffering.  In spite of the agony, discomfort and intense pain a mother willingly goes through this for her child.  I have thought many times that giving birth, in a small way, is something like the sacrifice of our Savior for us.  He died so we might live again.  Our Savior even said, “Father, all things are possible unto there; take way this cup from me…” (Mark 14:36) but there was no other way.  Christ willingly went through the pain and suffering and gave His life for us just as we mothers sacrifice for our children so they may come into the world and have life.

I talked with my son about the process of having a baby and used it as an analogy of our Savior.  There is no other way to bring a child into the world and there was no other way for our Savior to save us except by His sacrifice in His death.  I told him that going through the pain of childbirth made me love my child more.  The plain and suffering only bonded me closer to the new baby because I had gone through that for him.  My son was then able to understand that our Savior loved him and His act of selfless love made Him love my son even more.

I think of this experience often and appreciate the fact it was my eight year old that really taught me about the atonement of our Savior.  I have told my children more than once that I should be the one to receive gifts on their birthday because I am the one who gave them life.  This only brings home the question, “How often do I give thanks to my Savior for His sacrifice and His gift to me of eternal life?”  May you have a Christ centered Easter.