We just took our daughter to the Mission Training Center in Provo, Utah. She is the last of our eight children to go on a mission. As we pulled into the facility the volunteer directing traffic pointed the way for us to go to unload her luggage and say our goodbyes. As we drove down the lane several newly arrived Elders were already there waiting to go in. As we pulled to the curb and opened the back of our car a seasoned Elder approached us. After warm greetings of welcome he asked her these questions … “Do you have a cell phone or computer?” “No, those were given to my brother.” “Did you bring your Immunization record?” “Yes, here it is.” His companion then took her suitcase while she carried her violin and off she went in her (longer than normal) red skirt and a smile on her face with anticipation of a wonderful experience that was awaiting her. I realized the tears I felt starting to surface were not for her as I would not have my daughter anywhere else in the world. The emotion I felt was for me because this event was the end of an era and the beginning of a new one.
Just a half hour before this experience as we were driving to the MTC we drove by an apartment building for students. As we passed it our daughter mentioned how this peculiar complex had a bad reputation. The young adults who live in the complex work or attend various schools in the area and choose to live there because of the fun and party atmosphere. No code of conduct is enforced. Imagine children being left unattended in a candy store with no rules or regulations letting their desires dictate their behavior. Compare that with what goes on when we are older without rules and boundaries.
We had a great discussion on rules and how boundaries need to be set for a happy life. We all do better when we know our limits. Who sets these guidelines of conduct that we follow? Parents, society, school, friends… they all have different levels and opinions of what is good and right or what brings happiness? Who do we follow? We all have a tendency to find the boundary line. With our “natural man” instinct, we push the envelope until we are told to stop. That is how a child learns behavior. In child rearing we allow our children to behave to the limit of our tolerance. If we have no rules about not jumping on the furniture…it’s a guarantee that your furniture will be jumped on. Rules and limits are needed.
As our children grow they seem to gravitate toward friends who share the same standards they want to live. I have seen enough of life to see what happens when a child does not have rules and punishment to fit those rules when broken. I’ve seen teens whose parents desired them to be popular and allowed the gospel standards to be relaxed. Some adults knowingly choose to “live in the world.” They break rules both morally and socially and ultimately end up with a false sense of happiness. I felt thankful for the bounds in which my daughter would be living the next 18 months in this formative time of her life. I know they will only bring her happiness and joy if she is obedient to them.
One of my sons was telling me about an old high school friend. He is not a member of the church and his life had gone a totally different path. No children and living with someone without marriage. It was interesting to contemplate how different his life would be if he had the gospel in his life to set a path for him. We cannot judge others if they don’t have our values but what we can do is follow the admonitions given to us that will bring true happiness and hopefully others will see that there is a better way to live.
As I watched our daughter walk away I was so grateful for the rules and guidelines she has been living for the past several years. I thought of the Strength of Youth pamphlet she received when she turned 12. She read it often and her Young Women leaders and Bishop quoted it regularly. I am grateful for her choice of a University that has an honor code and the teachings of the gospel that have brought her to this point in her decision making process. I realize also that she chose her path because of others around her.
I truly am grateful for the gospel standards and all the help I received while raising my children. Leaders reinforced the bounds that I taught. Gratitude for friends who lived within those bounds and family who helped each other make correct decision by word, action and example. I may have eight children who all went on missions but I will be the first one to say… we did not accomplish this alone. It takes a village to raise a child. We just chose the right village to live in.
Showing posts with label Example. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Example. Show all posts
Friday
Spacious Building
We attended the wedding of our nephew in the temple this past week. As we were in the dressing room the temple worker in charge of the brides asked us if we would like to see the bride’s dressing room. We, of course, said yes and off we went. It was beautiful and I could not think of a more fitting room in which to get dressed for your wedding. She showed us all the clothing they had if the bride’s dress was not temple appropriate. I thought back on my own daughter who had a cap sleeve on her wedding dress and she was ok with wearing a longer sleeved tee under her dress. I ask the temple matron if this was done often and she said that it was just because the style of today was with cap sleeves. Her next commented surprised me. She stated that it was the mother of the bride who usually got upset when they were told that the daughter needed to wear the tee under the dress. I would think it would be the daughter but she assured me that it was usually the mother who did the complaining.
The influence of the mother is so valuable to set a tone of spirituality and obedience. I wonder at this valuable crossroad in these young brides life what attitudes they have learned and will remember as they pass down to their daughters this same example?
Our daughter and her four young children have been visiting us for a couple of weeks. I watch her has she mothers her children. It is very de javu as I hear here talk to her children while I listen from the other room. She has the same tone of voice that I do and while she is talking and disciplining her children I can hear myself from a time past and remember my days while my children were young. I see the power of influence not only in what we say but also what we do as mothers. Those attitudes and behaviors are passed on for generations.
We live in this world today that has so many conflicting influences telling us how we should be. What can we do to keep our homes safe from those worldly attitudes that say it’s ok to be like the world and to be what you want to be? I don’t have to lecture about the influence of the television, Internet, music and printed media. We all know the bad and the good that it has to offer us. We just need to learn how to separate the messages of how we should live and apply the ones that lead us closer to our eternal goals.
I can’t help but think of the vision of the iron rod and the great and spacious building that we are trying to avoid and the river flowing beside it as we try to avoid the pitfalls of the world. Everything is so separate in the dream. The building has its place; the river has its place; the iron rod is there in the middle and if we hold tight to it our journey leads to the tree of life. Somehow that picture is a little different today. We live in times when the iron rod may be in the same place but the filthy river has waves that are rolling over the trail as we hang on for dear life to the iron rod. The large and spacious building has traveled to surround the iron rod. It is no longer separate but we are holding to the rod as it travels through that great and spacious building. The worldly things are surrounding us on every side. In our day we don’t have to go into the great and spacious building; the building has come into our homes via television, computers and media. You don’t go to it anymore…. It has come to you.
The line, “live in the world but not be of the world,” bring on real meaning. We must guard our homes! As the spacious building is swarming all around us the iron rod must be griped tightly with both hands. Our behavior must not be divided nor can we look back at the things of the world we want to hang onto. We can’t be a modern “Lot’s wife” who longingly looked back at the world she was leaving behind and was turned into a pillar of salt. Her attempt to retain a lifestyle evidently caused her to forfeit her identify. Nowhere can we find her name, just a reference as “wife”. Let our names be known and written in history for the good we have done and the righteous influence we have been able to achieve.
The influence of the mother is so valuable to set a tone of spirituality and obedience. I wonder at this valuable crossroad in these young brides life what attitudes they have learned and will remember as they pass down to their daughters this same example?
Our daughter and her four young children have been visiting us for a couple of weeks. I watch her has she mothers her children. It is very de javu as I hear here talk to her children while I listen from the other room. She has the same tone of voice that I do and while she is talking and disciplining her children I can hear myself from a time past and remember my days while my children were young. I see the power of influence not only in what we say but also what we do as mothers. Those attitudes and behaviors are passed on for generations.
We live in this world today that has so many conflicting influences telling us how we should be. What can we do to keep our homes safe from those worldly attitudes that say it’s ok to be like the world and to be what you want to be? I don’t have to lecture about the influence of the television, Internet, music and printed media. We all know the bad and the good that it has to offer us. We just need to learn how to separate the messages of how we should live and apply the ones that lead us closer to our eternal goals.
I can’t help but think of the vision of the iron rod and the great and spacious building that we are trying to avoid and the river flowing beside it as we try to avoid the pitfalls of the world. Everything is so separate in the dream. The building has its place; the river has its place; the iron rod is there in the middle and if we hold tight to it our journey leads to the tree of life. Somehow that picture is a little different today. We live in times when the iron rod may be in the same place but the filthy river has waves that are rolling over the trail as we hang on for dear life to the iron rod. The large and spacious building has traveled to surround the iron rod. It is no longer separate but we are holding to the rod as it travels through that great and spacious building. The worldly things are surrounding us on every side. In our day we don’t have to go into the great and spacious building; the building has come into our homes via television, computers and media. You don’t go to it anymore…. It has come to you.
The line, “live in the world but not be of the world,” bring on real meaning. We must guard our homes! As the spacious building is swarming all around us the iron rod must be griped tightly with both hands. Our behavior must not be divided nor can we look back at the things of the world we want to hang onto. We can’t be a modern “Lot’s wife” who longingly looked back at the world she was leaving behind and was turned into a pillar of salt. Her attempt to retain a lifestyle evidently caused her to forfeit her identify. Nowhere can we find her name, just a reference as “wife”. Let our names be known and written in history for the good we have done and the righteous influence we have been able to achieve.
Tuesday
Not Being Neutral
The other day we had a lesson in Relief Society on the scriptures and the question was asked, “How can we teach our children to love the scriptures?” Good question and many great answers were given like scripture reading with your children daily, having picture books for them to look at or teaching how to apply scripture concepts into their lives. All these were great responses but as I’ve pondered this recently a concept came to me that goes even deeper than those normal answers. It is the concept of… not being neutral.
I hope I’m the only one who recalls times when daily scripture reading was done in a monotone voice that conveyed duty, rather than interest or pleasure. When was the last time you read as a family where you had great discussions about a concept? I remember the “light bulb” moments when our family stopped reading and a whole concept was discussed and shared by all. We progressed from being neutral in our scripture reading to an elevated level of understanding regarding what we were studying. Those were my favorite Family Home Evenings! The spirit testified, taught and helped bond us together as a family. A love for the scriptures developed as we shared our excitement for what we were learning and discussing together. We need to become passionate and excited about what we are reading not passive.
This concept doesn’t stop with just reading scriptures Think about having an attitude of neutrality in other areas of the gospel and how it may affect your family. Are you neutral when it comes to having your children go on missions or on issues of morality or ethical values? Can you consider the potential damage when you as a mother take a neutral stand on pressing issues or if you allow your child without direction, encouragement or enthusiasm on your part to decide for themselves where they stand? Neutral behavior and attitudes can dangerously influence your child to make incorrect decisions later on in their life.
President Henry B. Eyring expressed: “The pure gospel of Jesus Christ must go down into the hearts of [our children] by the power of the Holy Ghost. Seeking to be neutral about the gospel is, in reality, to reject the existence of God and His authority.” Moral Discipline by D. Todd Christofferson November 2009
Scriptures teach us about opposition in all things. This shouldn’t convey extremes, but rather contrasting differences, like light and darkness, good and evil. If we choose neutrality when faced with good and evil, on whose side do we stand? In fact, if we choose neutrality in life we, in actuality, do not choose. “Choice” is an action word such as in taking a stand for good and against evil while “neutral” is void of action. Make your choice and let your children know how you feel about principles and especially the Gospel.
We were not neutral in our pre-mortal life. We knew what we wanted and we stood strong. We were passionate and opinionated in our views without being overbearing and outspoken. This is what we must be again. If a child learns from your neutral example and remains neutral themselves on matters of eternal importance they will be easily swayed when the winds of choice start blowing. You can’t push your opinion of gospel topics and principles onto your children but you can show your love, enthusiasm and excitement for what you think and feel. Let them feel it and let them know your opinions with love and parental compassion. This will bless your family more than anything you can do.
I hope I’m the only one who recalls times when daily scripture reading was done in a monotone voice that conveyed duty, rather than interest or pleasure. When was the last time you read as a family where you had great discussions about a concept? I remember the “light bulb” moments when our family stopped reading and a whole concept was discussed and shared by all. We progressed from being neutral in our scripture reading to an elevated level of understanding regarding what we were studying. Those were my favorite Family Home Evenings! The spirit testified, taught and helped bond us together as a family. A love for the scriptures developed as we shared our excitement for what we were learning and discussing together. We need to become passionate and excited about what we are reading not passive.
This concept doesn’t stop with just reading scriptures Think about having an attitude of neutrality in other areas of the gospel and how it may affect your family. Are you neutral when it comes to having your children go on missions or on issues of morality or ethical values? Can you consider the potential damage when you as a mother take a neutral stand on pressing issues or if you allow your child without direction, encouragement or enthusiasm on your part to decide for themselves where they stand? Neutral behavior and attitudes can dangerously influence your child to make incorrect decisions later on in their life.
President Henry B. Eyring expressed: “The pure gospel of Jesus Christ must go down into the hearts of [our children] by the power of the Holy Ghost. Seeking to be neutral about the gospel is, in reality, to reject the existence of God and His authority.” Moral Discipline by D. Todd Christofferson November 2009
Scriptures teach us about opposition in all things. This shouldn’t convey extremes, but rather contrasting differences, like light and darkness, good and evil. If we choose neutrality when faced with good and evil, on whose side do we stand? In fact, if we choose neutrality in life we, in actuality, do not choose. “Choice” is an action word such as in taking a stand for good and against evil while “neutral” is void of action. Make your choice and let your children know how you feel about principles and especially the Gospel.
We were not neutral in our pre-mortal life. We knew what we wanted and we stood strong. We were passionate and opinionated in our views without being overbearing and outspoken. This is what we must be again. If a child learns from your neutral example and remains neutral themselves on matters of eternal importance they will be easily swayed when the winds of choice start blowing. You can’t push your opinion of gospel topics and principles onto your children but you can show your love, enthusiasm and excitement for what you think and feel. Let them feel it and let them know your opinions with love and parental compassion. This will bless your family more than anything you can do.
Thursday
Appreciation
When logging onto my computer one morning I realized my Internet was down. I immediately became very frustrated because my life and work begins when I’m connected. Paying bills, communication and everything else remained inconveniently on hold until the Internet came up. I was amazed at my reaction as I felt anger surfacing toward my cable provider. The thought went through my mind… “I need to telephone them and express my displeasure with their service!” As that thought passed another one came along just as powerful… “Have you ever telephoned thanking them for the many days that their service is working fine?” The answer, of course, was no. I once heard someone say that housework is only noticed when it goes undone and that morning’s experience proved its validity. Human nature in most of us is quick to anger and slow to express appreciation.
My thoughts drifted to a family raising children. How many times do children act correctly and do things right yet how often do we parents only comment when they do things wrong? This could apply to our spouse and our parents as well. All relationships would be better if we could bridle our comments and engage our brain before we speak, praising more and criticizing less. I once heard it said… “It’s too bad that we don’t have a mute button when we speak!” How different the atmosphere in our homes would be if words of kindness, compliments and appreciation were given more often and criticism was written down on a piece of paper to be discussed later?
“Have the same courtesy in your homes that you have when you are out in society. Thank your wives, thank your children, and say, ‘If you please,’ ‘Excuse me.’ These little things mean so much and make life so much sweeter.” David O. McKay Improvement Era, December 1968.
Overcoming our knee-jerk reaction to anger and use of harsh words begins with first… recognizing that pattern in yourself and then second…learning how to control your thoughts and words. Every word we say has its beginning first in thought so to change what we say will ultimately require that we change what we think. The words we say either strengthen or destroy bonds in a relationship. We have all heard that our eyes are the windows to our soul. It might be said also the mouth is its radio, sometimes broadcasting uncensored and uncontrolled thoughts.
We have all experienced the remorse of speaking before we think and hurting another’s feelings. Worse yet is to experience unkind acts directed to our children and witness the pain of our child who has just been hurt. The “Mother Bear” can emerge in all of us but it is how we deal with those emotions that are so important to our own development as well as our child’s. In watching my own children I find some can make and attract friends easily while others have a more difficult time. The one universal quality in forming friendships and keeping them is the “talent” to make others feel important and appreciated for who they are as an individual. A talent that can be cultivated and perfected in all of us…sincere appreciation!
Each of us can gain mastery in our words and thoughts. We can begin now in our next conversation or in our next experience when something doesn’t go our way. Think before we act in every situation, “Act Don’t React” to coin a phrase. Our children need to see us at our best as they follow our examples. We become their role models by the way we respond and treat other people. Begin by expressing your appreciation for all the good that is done to all those closest around you…your families! Teach them how to appreciate!
My thoughts drifted to a family raising children. How many times do children act correctly and do things right yet how often do we parents only comment when they do things wrong? This could apply to our spouse and our parents as well. All relationships would be better if we could bridle our comments and engage our brain before we speak, praising more and criticizing less. I once heard it said… “It’s too bad that we don’t have a mute button when we speak!” How different the atmosphere in our homes would be if words of kindness, compliments and appreciation were given more often and criticism was written down on a piece of paper to be discussed later?
“Have the same courtesy in your homes that you have when you are out in society. Thank your wives, thank your children, and say, ‘If you please,’ ‘Excuse me.’ These little things mean so much and make life so much sweeter.” David O. McKay Improvement Era, December 1968.
Overcoming our knee-jerk reaction to anger and use of harsh words begins with first… recognizing that pattern in yourself and then second…learning how to control your thoughts and words. Every word we say has its beginning first in thought so to change what we say will ultimately require that we change what we think. The words we say either strengthen or destroy bonds in a relationship. We have all heard that our eyes are the windows to our soul. It might be said also the mouth is its radio, sometimes broadcasting uncensored and uncontrolled thoughts.
We have all experienced the remorse of speaking before we think and hurting another’s feelings. Worse yet is to experience unkind acts directed to our children and witness the pain of our child who has just been hurt. The “Mother Bear” can emerge in all of us but it is how we deal with those emotions that are so important to our own development as well as our child’s. In watching my own children I find some can make and attract friends easily while others have a more difficult time. The one universal quality in forming friendships and keeping them is the “talent” to make others feel important and appreciated for who they are as an individual. A talent that can be cultivated and perfected in all of us…sincere appreciation!
Each of us can gain mastery in our words and thoughts. We can begin now in our next conversation or in our next experience when something doesn’t go our way. Think before we act in every situation, “Act Don’t React” to coin a phrase. Our children need to see us at our best as they follow our examples. We become their role models by the way we respond and treat other people. Begin by expressing your appreciation for all the good that is done to all those closest around you…your families! Teach them how to appreciate!
Saturday
Teaching Independence
As I got out of my car at the gas station I noticed a lady at the pump just ahead of me with tears coming down her cheeks struggling with the nozzle. I approached her to see if I could be of assistance. She broke down even more as she told me her husband had just died and he had always handled this part of daily living. She had never put fuel in her car before. I instructed her how to remove the cap from the gas tank, insert her credit card, showed her how to remove the nozzle and select the grade of gasoline and then talked with her as she filled her car with gas. I got back in my car happy I could help yet mad at her husband for not teaching his wife to be independent enough to survive in this world we live in. I’m sure he felt it was his manly duty to chivalrously protect her. I assume it worked both ways, as there were probably things he had never done around the home that she always just handled too.
I compared this to a young friend that one of my children had while growing up. He was an only child and was doted on by his overly protective mother. She was divorced and only had her son to care for. He accompanied our family to a sports event while there we bought everyone a hotdog. As we were putting the condiments on our food he just stood there. I asked him if there was a concern and he gave me this lost look and said he had never prepared his hot dog before and needed help. This may not sound unusual but the young man was 16-years-old. This behavior is cute when they are two but at sixteen we have a problem. Our goal is to raise them to leave home, not enable them so they have to stay home!
I have thought much about the fine line in doing too much for our children and doing too little to help them. Our goal should be to teach them to be industrious and self-reliant. How do we teach them to fish so they can feed themselves?
In this short article let me expound on only two points that can make a difference in your child’s life. First is example. I had two sons who bicycled across the United States. Upon arriving home they talked about all the economically diverse areas they had pedaled through. They were astounded that in the middle of the day some families would be sitting on their porches just watching the world pass by. Grandfather, father and sons were all sitting there at a home that was broken down and in need of repair. This made a great impression on my sons and we talked about how generational patterns are passed down from father to son-to-son and so on. Idleness is a disease that is taught not caught. Make a difference in your family and, as parents, set the example of industry.
“It is work that spells the difference in life. It is stretching our minds and utilizing the skills of our hands that lift us from mediocrity” (“Pres. Hinckley” Church News, 31 January 1998, 3).
The second point is entitlement. Being compensated just because as individuals they exist is the wrong reason for receiving anything. You don’t get a car just because you turn 16. A day’s work for a day’s pay should be the rule not the exception. Just because you live in a family is not the reason for getting spending money. An allowance has value and meaning only when one puts forth commensurate work and takes upon oneself accountability. In a family unit everyone needs to pull together, chores should be expected. This teaches a responsibility outside of oneself and that we help take care of each other. A wise woman (my mother) once told me, “Never do anything for your children that they can do for themselves.”
The best concept you can teach your children is the joy in accountability and responsibility of oneself and those around them. There is a joy the comes in earning and paying your own way. We need to teach them how to fish to take care of their own needs but these teachings will be passed on to their own children as well. Your example and attitudes will influence generations yet to come.
“Work is therapy for the soul. The gospel of Jesus Christ is the gospel of work. We cannot simply sit around and do nothing and expect to be successful in spiritual or temporal things. We need to do all that is in our power to accomplish our goals, and the Lord will make up the difference.” Lessons Learned in the Journey of Life, By Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin
I compared this to a young friend that one of my children had while growing up. He was an only child and was doted on by his overly protective mother. She was divorced and only had her son to care for. He accompanied our family to a sports event while there we bought everyone a hotdog. As we were putting the condiments on our food he just stood there. I asked him if there was a concern and he gave me this lost look and said he had never prepared his hot dog before and needed help. This may not sound unusual but the young man was 16-years-old. This behavior is cute when they are two but at sixteen we have a problem. Our goal is to raise them to leave home, not enable them so they have to stay home!
I have thought much about the fine line in doing too much for our children and doing too little to help them. Our goal should be to teach them to be industrious and self-reliant. How do we teach them to fish so they can feed themselves?
In this short article let me expound on only two points that can make a difference in your child’s life. First is example. I had two sons who bicycled across the United States. Upon arriving home they talked about all the economically diverse areas they had pedaled through. They were astounded that in the middle of the day some families would be sitting on their porches just watching the world pass by. Grandfather, father and sons were all sitting there at a home that was broken down and in need of repair. This made a great impression on my sons and we talked about how generational patterns are passed down from father to son-to-son and so on. Idleness is a disease that is taught not caught. Make a difference in your family and, as parents, set the example of industry.
“It is work that spells the difference in life. It is stretching our minds and utilizing the skills of our hands that lift us from mediocrity” (“Pres. Hinckley” Church News, 31 January 1998, 3).
The second point is entitlement. Being compensated just because as individuals they exist is the wrong reason for receiving anything. You don’t get a car just because you turn 16. A day’s work for a day’s pay should be the rule not the exception. Just because you live in a family is not the reason for getting spending money. An allowance has value and meaning only when one puts forth commensurate work and takes upon oneself accountability. In a family unit everyone needs to pull together, chores should be expected. This teaches a responsibility outside of oneself and that we help take care of each other. A wise woman (my mother) once told me, “Never do anything for your children that they can do for themselves.”
The best concept you can teach your children is the joy in accountability and responsibility of oneself and those around them. There is a joy the comes in earning and paying your own way. We need to teach them how to fish to take care of their own needs but these teachings will be passed on to their own children as well. Your example and attitudes will influence generations yet to come.
“Work is therapy for the soul. The gospel of Jesus Christ is the gospel of work. We cannot simply sit around and do nothing and expect to be successful in spiritual or temporal things. We need to do all that is in our power to accomplish our goals, and the Lord will make up the difference.” Lessons Learned in the Journey of Life, By Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin
Wednesday
Visualizing the Future
I usually write advice about relationships with your children and how to improve and motivate them to be better but this article is a little different. I have learned recently through basketball, of all things, one of life’s greatest secrets of success that I have to pass on to you… no pun intended.
I love watching basketball and with one of our sons working for the Phoenix Suns I find pleasure in watching their games. It keeps me connected with him and his life as we discuss the team players and his job. I especially love watching Steve Nash, the Suns’ point guard. He is the first player in NBA (National Basketball Association) history to shoot 50% from the field, over 40% from three-point range and over 90% from the free-throw line in three different seasons. He currently leads the NBA in free throw percentage at an amazing 94.1%. He has great understanding of the game and is always surprising me with his foresight in the plays he makes. Totally unselfish on the court he is one of the best team players I’ve seen.
During a recent game, thanks to technology, sports commentators aired several shots of Steve Nash in slow motion magnifying his uncanny omniscience on the court. As he is running down the court and a teammate passes him the ball he has the ability to 1) see the ball being passed to him, 2) anticipating exactly when to catch it but most amazing 3) he takes his eyes off the ball and looks ahead up court to see which team member he can in turn pass the ball to. In slow motion it became obvious he has a knack to anticipate exactly where to place his hands to catch the ball while his head and eyes are focused elsewhere down court anticipating his next move. Several different slow motion shots of Steve Nash repeatedly demonstrated his moves. On the court he has the gift to anticipate what is coming, react to the present and visualize the future! There it is… life’s secret formula for success in twelve short words. Now… how do we gain that ability and apply this concept into our own lives?
If we could acquire that same ability it would help every situation our families and we face in life. In reality it is exactly what we are having this earthly experience to learn. We just all learn it in different ways. Some learn it early; others never understand it yet the concept is essential for our development as eternal beings. The scriptures actually teach this concept as we read about all the different personalities in the scriptures and read advice and admonitions given to us through the words of past prophets.
We live in times where problems we encounter may be economic trials, relationships within families or challenges with our children. We would handle all differently if we applied this principle of visualizing the future. How many of us have said or will someday say… “I wish I knew then what I know now!” Life’s situations could be handled better if we all could apply this secret of success in our game plan against the challenges that come our way. The ability to understand this principle, comprehend it and apply it into our life is choice… it is up to us to develop and use these skills.
My thoughts on this topic came full circle when my daughter-in-law called me the other day remarking that her four sons are in youth basketball this winter season. As she was relating to me the weekly practice schedules and games on Saturday I smiled as I sympathized and remembered those busy times in my own life. My advice was to go full steam ahead. Sports and what is learned from team play is wonderful if, like all activities outside of the home, they as parents stay involved and reinforce the good and soften the hardness their child will experience. Listen to what is being taught to your child and apply sports principles… yes, I mean sports principles… to gospel principles that will strengthen their eternal characteristics.
I love watching basketball and with one of our sons working for the Phoenix Suns I find pleasure in watching their games. It keeps me connected with him and his life as we discuss the team players and his job. I especially love watching Steve Nash, the Suns’ point guard. He is the first player in NBA (National Basketball Association) history to shoot 50% from the field, over 40% from three-point range and over 90% from the free-throw line in three different seasons. He currently leads the NBA in free throw percentage at an amazing 94.1%. He has great understanding of the game and is always surprising me with his foresight in the plays he makes. Totally unselfish on the court he is one of the best team players I’ve seen.
During a recent game, thanks to technology, sports commentators aired several shots of Steve Nash in slow motion magnifying his uncanny omniscience on the court. As he is running down the court and a teammate passes him the ball he has the ability to 1) see the ball being passed to him, 2) anticipating exactly when to catch it but most amazing 3) he takes his eyes off the ball and looks ahead up court to see which team member he can in turn pass the ball to. In slow motion it became obvious he has a knack to anticipate exactly where to place his hands to catch the ball while his head and eyes are focused elsewhere down court anticipating his next move. Several different slow motion shots of Steve Nash repeatedly demonstrated his moves. On the court he has the gift to anticipate what is coming, react to the present and visualize the future! There it is… life’s secret formula for success in twelve short words. Now… how do we gain that ability and apply this concept into our own lives?
If we could acquire that same ability it would help every situation our families and we face in life. In reality it is exactly what we are having this earthly experience to learn. We just all learn it in different ways. Some learn it early; others never understand it yet the concept is essential for our development as eternal beings. The scriptures actually teach this concept as we read about all the different personalities in the scriptures and read advice and admonitions given to us through the words of past prophets.
We live in times where problems we encounter may be economic trials, relationships within families or challenges with our children. We would handle all differently if we applied this principle of visualizing the future. How many of us have said or will someday say… “I wish I knew then what I know now!” Life’s situations could be handled better if we all could apply this secret of success in our game plan against the challenges that come our way. The ability to understand this principle, comprehend it and apply it into our life is choice… it is up to us to develop and use these skills.
My thoughts on this topic came full circle when my daughter-in-law called me the other day remarking that her four sons are in youth basketball this winter season. As she was relating to me the weekly practice schedules and games on Saturday I smiled as I sympathized and remembered those busy times in my own life. My advice was to go full steam ahead. Sports and what is learned from team play is wonderful if, like all activities outside of the home, they as parents stay involved and reinforce the good and soften the hardness their child will experience. Listen to what is being taught to your child and apply sports principles… yes, I mean sports principles… to gospel principles that will strengthen their eternal characteristics.
Faith In The Future
The headline in our local paper today was, Ban on Same-Sex Union Frizzles. It makes me wonder where the voice for morality is but more importantly I question what kind of a world my children will raise their children in. The days of the Cleaver’s are definitely over, or are they? We still have agency of choice to live in the world and to be of it or to live in the world yet not partake of the worldly attitudes.
Reading the headlines we witness a world that is falling apart, from terrorist’s threats to decay in moral values, yet I am not without hope. It is a fearful time to live in today but I cannot believe the Lord has left us without knowing the end and is willing to help us if we but ask. Looking back in history there has always been a war to destroy and thwart goodness and to misrepresent truth. Does this surprise any of us that at this time in history it should be any different? On the contrary we should not be shocked that in these latter days the war of evil would wage even harder against what is good and righteous. It is the classic story of good versus evil as we face the last great standoff.
In church the other day a talk was being given on the standards and values that we have as latter-day Saints compared to the world’s attitudes and morals. My daughter leaned over to me and asked the question, “Are you afraid to let me grow up in this world?” Without hesitation I replied, “Not at all!” a peace came over me and I really knew that she would be safe. She has been given every means to fortify her against the evil that is waging so strong a battle out there. It will be up to her to apply what she has been given to her own life but she can and will prevail. As the divide gets wider it is actually easier to see the good from the evil.
I am so grateful for the Young Men and Young Women’s programs. The Strength of the Youth pamphlet is a wonderful guide for them to follow and will truly keep them safe if they will adhere to what it says. I could not help reminisce back to my standards booklet when I was her age at 15. The guideline I remember most was… 1) Do not wear curlers in public. Yes, times have changed but I fill confident in our youth and the teachings they receive. These spirits have never been stronger than we see today coming into the world. They are up to the challenge that is ahead of them and are being prepared for this battle. We parents need to rise to the challenge to help them meet these confrontations with faith in the future and a determination to live a gospel centered life.
The innocence of the 50’s may never be seen again but even Adam and Eve needed to leave the garden to learn and progress. May we take this challenge that we are all faced with and raise our own bar as we have been admonished.
Reading the headlines we witness a world that is falling apart, from terrorist’s threats to decay in moral values, yet I am not without hope. It is a fearful time to live in today but I cannot believe the Lord has left us without knowing the end and is willing to help us if we but ask. Looking back in history there has always been a war to destroy and thwart goodness and to misrepresent truth. Does this surprise any of us that at this time in history it should be any different? On the contrary we should not be shocked that in these latter days the war of evil would wage even harder against what is good and righteous. It is the classic story of good versus evil as we face the last great standoff.
In church the other day a talk was being given on the standards and values that we have as latter-day Saints compared to the world’s attitudes and morals. My daughter leaned over to me and asked the question, “Are you afraid to let me grow up in this world?” Without hesitation I replied, “Not at all!” a peace came over me and I really knew that she would be safe. She has been given every means to fortify her against the evil that is waging so strong a battle out there. It will be up to her to apply what she has been given to her own life but she can and will prevail. As the divide gets wider it is actually easier to see the good from the evil.
I am so grateful for the Young Men and Young Women’s programs. The Strength of the Youth pamphlet is a wonderful guide for them to follow and will truly keep them safe if they will adhere to what it says. I could not help reminisce back to my standards booklet when I was her age at 15. The guideline I remember most was… 1) Do not wear curlers in public. Yes, times have changed but I fill confident in our youth and the teachings they receive. These spirits have never been stronger than we see today coming into the world. They are up to the challenge that is ahead of them and are being prepared for this battle. We parents need to rise to the challenge to help them meet these confrontations with faith in the future and a determination to live a gospel centered life.
The innocence of the 50’s may never be seen again but even Adam and Eve needed to leave the garden to learn and progress. May we take this challenge that we are all faced with and raise our own bar as we have been admonished.
Monday
Congratulation Mothers
No admonition this month. This editorial only contains a big CONGRATULATION! You have done it… you mothers who were raised by Mrs. Cleaver. Not only have you given this generation men who do not wait at the dinner table to be server, but also men who possess an attitude of, “Hey, this child is mine and I get to help in this care and development.” This transitional generational success is because of your accomplishments in teaching your children.
I was sitting in a living room a month ago where several young couples were visiting the home of a family who had just had a baby. The stories of childbirth were no longer a “female only” topic. The husbands were enjoying and adding to the stories of how their own children had arrived into the world. I felt like a visitor from another era as my eyes went from face to face while the men were telling their “tales of woe” adding to the enjoyment of the evening.
I heard tales of aching backs as they bent over their wives while giving her encouragement. They spoke of frozen fingers from handling all the ice chips that were requested. They laughed about their own discomforts that were ignored because they knew their wife needed them. They shared the excitement in watching the birth of their child but more importantly they expressed love and appreciation for their respective wives as they went through childbirth.
During the course of the evening as babies were crying and older children needed assistance the fathers were active participants in their care. Both parents were changing diaper, comforting, calming a cry and playing when needed. There seemed to be a true partnership in parenting within this group. I was amazed! My skepticism began with, “They are medical students. They have an educational interest in these events,” but when Sunday approached my skepticism changed to belief. As I attended church the chapel was filled with the normal sounds that many small children make who are required to sit still. I watch with enjoyment as responsibility of parenthood transcended professions and gender. Babies were being quieted, comforted and taken out by fathers of this “New and Improved” generation.
What we mothers have done to make this wonderful transformation I can’t guess. President John Taylor commented that, “A parent’s influence extends to future generation.” Your examples have proven his point exactly. We have a generation of young parents who were taught your concepts of values, roles and the importance of family. We can see how these teaching by example or words, on family and parenthood are now paying off. What a wonderful experience it will be for grandparents to see their own “works” in progress as they watch the next generation evolve. Congratulations to you all on a job well done!
I was sitting in a living room a month ago where several young couples were visiting the home of a family who had just had a baby. The stories of childbirth were no longer a “female only” topic. The husbands were enjoying and adding to the stories of how their own children had arrived into the world. I felt like a visitor from another era as my eyes went from face to face while the men were telling their “tales of woe” adding to the enjoyment of the evening.
I heard tales of aching backs as they bent over their wives while giving her encouragement. They spoke of frozen fingers from handling all the ice chips that were requested. They laughed about their own discomforts that were ignored because they knew their wife needed them. They shared the excitement in watching the birth of their child but more importantly they expressed love and appreciation for their respective wives as they went through childbirth.
During the course of the evening as babies were crying and older children needed assistance the fathers were active participants in their care. Both parents were changing diaper, comforting, calming a cry and playing when needed. There seemed to be a true partnership in parenting within this group. I was amazed! My skepticism began with, “They are medical students. They have an educational interest in these events,” but when Sunday approached my skepticism changed to belief. As I attended church the chapel was filled with the normal sounds that many small children make who are required to sit still. I watch with enjoyment as responsibility of parenthood transcended professions and gender. Babies were being quieted, comforted and taken out by fathers of this “New and Improved” generation.
What we mothers have done to make this wonderful transformation I can’t guess. President John Taylor commented that, “A parent’s influence extends to future generation.” Your examples have proven his point exactly. We have a generation of young parents who were taught your concepts of values, roles and the importance of family. We can see how these teaching by example or words, on family and parenthood are now paying off. What a wonderful experience it will be for grandparents to see their own “works” in progress as they watch the next generation evolve. Congratulations to you all on a job well done!
Congratulations Mothers
No admonition this month. This editorial only contains a big CONGRATULATION! You have done it… you mothers who were raised by Mrs. Cleaver. Not only have you given this generation men who do not wait at the dinner table to be server, but also men who possess an attitude of, “Hey, this child is mine and I get to help in this care and development.” This transitional generational success is because of your accomplishments in teaching your children.
I was sitting in a living room a month ago where several young couples were visiting the home of a family who had just had a baby. The stories of childbirth were no longer a “female only” topic. The husbands were enjoying and adding to the stories of how their own children had arrived into the world. I felt like a visitor from another era as my eyes went from face to face while the men were telling their “tales of woe” adding to the enjoyment of the evening.
I heard tales of aching backs as they bent over their wives while giving her encouragement. They spoke of frozen fingers from handling all the ice chips that were requested. They laughed about their own discomforts that were ignored because they knew their wife needed them. They shared the excitement in watching the birth of their child but more importantly they expressed love and appreciation for their respective wives as they went through childbirth.
During the course of the evening as babies were crying and older children needed assistance the fathers were active participants in their care. Both parents were changing diaper, comforting, calming a cry and playing when needed. There seemed to be a true partnership in parenting within this group. I was amazed! My skepticism began with, “They are medical students. They have an educational interest in these events,” but when Sunday approached my skepticism changed to belief. As I attended church the chapel was filled with the normal sounds that many small children make who are required to sit still. I watch with enjoyment as responsibility of parenthood transcended professions and gender. Babies were being quieted, comforted and taken out by fathers of this “New and Improved” generation.
What we mothers have done to make this wonderful transformation I can’t guess. President John Taylor commented that, “A parent’s influence extends to future generation.” Your examples have proven his point exactly. We have a generation of young parents who were taught your concepts of values, roles and the importance of family. We can see how these teaching by example or words, on family and parenthood are now paying off. What a wonderful experience it will be for grandparents to see their own “works” in progress as they watch the next generation evolve. Congratulations to you all on a job well done!
I was sitting in a living room a month ago where several young couples were visiting the home of a family who had just had a baby. The stories of childbirth were no longer a “female only” topic. The husbands were enjoying and adding to the stories of how their own children had arrived into the world. I felt like a visitor from another era as my eyes went from face to face while the men were telling their “tales of woe” adding to the enjoyment of the evening.
I heard tales of aching backs as they bent over their wives while giving her encouragement. They spoke of frozen fingers from handling all the ice chips that were requested. They laughed about their own discomforts that were ignored because they knew their wife needed them. They shared the excitement in watching the birth of their child but more importantly they expressed love and appreciation for their respective wives as they went through childbirth.
During the course of the evening as babies were crying and older children needed assistance the fathers were active participants in their care. Both parents were changing diaper, comforting, calming a cry and playing when needed. There seemed to be a true partnership in parenting within this group. I was amazed! My skepticism began with, “They are medical students. They have an educational interest in these events,” but when Sunday approached my skepticism changed to belief. As I attended church the chapel was filled with the normal sounds that many small children make who are required to sit still. I watch with enjoyment as responsibility of parenthood transcended professions and gender. Babies were being quieted, comforted and taken out by fathers of this “New and Improved” generation.
What we mothers have done to make this wonderful transformation I can’t guess. President John Taylor commented that, “A parent’s influence extends to future generation.” Your examples have proven his point exactly. We have a generation of young parents who were taught your concepts of values, roles and the importance of family. We can see how these teaching by example or words, on family and parenthood are now paying off. What a wonderful experience it will be for grandparents to see their own “works” in progress as they watch the next generation evolve. Congratulations to you all on a job well done!
Sunday
Motherhood Drawbacks
I’ve come to realize that our calling of Motherhood has some difficult emotions. When your child reaches adulthood you find yourself out of a job! This summer we enjoyed the wedding of our fourth child, Steven. He married a wonderful girl at the right time and in the right place. We are thrilled for them, but my “baby blues” came after the reception when the ribbons and bows were put away and the chairs were stacked neatly in the corner. With all the happiness that surrounds a wedding why do I have this empty feeling that a part of me is gone?
Everyone seems to move on with life but as a mother, more than anyone else, you deeply feel the transition that needs to take place. No longer can unsolicited advice flow freely to your child. That day has past and the time you’ve so long prepared your child for has come. This time a paradox is created, sadness that the apron strings are cut and happiness that your goal to successfully prepare you child to leave home has been achieved. A mother must now move out of her comfort zone and put on another hat, or as I refer to it, “move over to the next chair.” This new role is a hard transition to make. The chair that you now need to sit in has a bold sign posted above it that reads, “This person will only give advice when asked.” At first it is a difficult seat to feel comfortable in. It is a big adjustment to instantly stop mothering when you have worked so hard to perfect those skills during the past twenty plus years.
What can we do to alter our approach as a mother? Is it possible to stay close to adult children while maintain the ability to properly influence them? It is now important for us to put those mothering skills we have gained towards a new focus. We need to become their friend not their parent. The key work is the last sentence is “their.” No longer is your child single because with marriage the relationship has become a package deal, involving your child’s spouse as well. You must become your new son-in-law’s or daughter-in-law’s best supporter and biggest advocate, just as you did while mothering your own child.
The question to ask oneself is, “What really makes a good friend?’ In my opinion a friend is someone who 1) never judges but loves me for who I am, 2) doesn’t expect friendship on their terms, 3) always encourages but doesn’t say, “I told you so” when my plan doesn’t work, 4) gives honest advice when asked but never requires me to follow it, 5) is there for me when the chips are down but doesn’t bale me out of every challenge I face and 6) listens without offering opinions. This makes a good friend in my view but more importantly a good mother to adult children.
I hope I’m not alone in my feelings. This transition is hard but I am beginning to see the rewards of moving over to the “Next chair.” It is the one with the title posted above it that reads, “grandmother.” In fact that title has it’s own unique sense of power built on love, wisdom and patience. When intertwined together these qualities create an influence for a grandchild that even his own parent (your child) will never have. So when asked what I want to become after all my children are gone, my reply is simply, “A Grandmother.”
Everyone seems to move on with life but as a mother, more than anyone else, you deeply feel the transition that needs to take place. No longer can unsolicited advice flow freely to your child. That day has past and the time you’ve so long prepared your child for has come. This time a paradox is created, sadness that the apron strings are cut and happiness that your goal to successfully prepare you child to leave home has been achieved. A mother must now move out of her comfort zone and put on another hat, or as I refer to it, “move over to the next chair.” This new role is a hard transition to make. The chair that you now need to sit in has a bold sign posted above it that reads, “This person will only give advice when asked.” At first it is a difficult seat to feel comfortable in. It is a big adjustment to instantly stop mothering when you have worked so hard to perfect those skills during the past twenty plus years.
What can we do to alter our approach as a mother? Is it possible to stay close to adult children while maintain the ability to properly influence them? It is now important for us to put those mothering skills we have gained towards a new focus. We need to become their friend not their parent. The key work is the last sentence is “their.” No longer is your child single because with marriage the relationship has become a package deal, involving your child’s spouse as well. You must become your new son-in-law’s or daughter-in-law’s best supporter and biggest advocate, just as you did while mothering your own child.
The question to ask oneself is, “What really makes a good friend?’ In my opinion a friend is someone who 1) never judges but loves me for who I am, 2) doesn’t expect friendship on their terms, 3) always encourages but doesn’t say, “I told you so” when my plan doesn’t work, 4) gives honest advice when asked but never requires me to follow it, 5) is there for me when the chips are down but doesn’t bale me out of every challenge I face and 6) listens without offering opinions. This makes a good friend in my view but more importantly a good mother to adult children.
I hope I’m not alone in my feelings. This transition is hard but I am beginning to see the rewards of moving over to the “Next chair.” It is the one with the title posted above it that reads, “grandmother.” In fact that title has it’s own unique sense of power built on love, wisdom and patience. When intertwined together these qualities create an influence for a grandchild that even his own parent (your child) will never have. So when asked what I want to become after all my children are gone, my reply is simply, “A Grandmother.”
Monday
Living Life to the Minimum
This past month we have seen many people pass away, both well known celebrities who have made national and world news as well as people close to us like our next door neighbor, known to only a few, in the prime of his life and leaving a young family. This has caused me much reflection on life. I’m grateful the Lord in his wisdom hasn’t sent us to earth with an expiration date stamped on our foreheads, as serious contemplation takes place when you ponder about the unknown. Would we be kinder to others, live life to the fullest or procrastinate until the last moment if we knew our expiration date, when this life would end? I think the test of life is in the not knowing yet living as if we do.
We are always reviewing the “Thou Shalt Not” of the Ten Commandments. Consider, however, the concept of not living a “Thou Shalt Not” life but focusing instead on a higher law of filling mortality with as much good as you can. Have your existence focus on the ‘what we can do’ instead of the ‘what we cannot’ do. Living a life to the fullest rather than living a life to the minimum to just get by. To illustrate this concept I remember a young man in one of my college classes who approached the professor and arrogantly said… “Hey, I’m a busy person and I just need to pass this class. Tell me exactly what I have to do to get a “C” and that’s what I’ll do.” I consider his mindset representing the “min/max” life. What must I do to get through this life with the least amount of effort?
Mediocrity is always at its best, as it knows nothing better. Yet nowhere in the gospel of Jesus Christ are we admonished to be mediocre. Though Christ will accept us, however, we come to Him, His admonition is always to stretch beyond our current attainments. Living a minimum life is so contrary to our God given nature. David A. Bednar stated, “The gospel of Jesus Christ encompasses much more than avoiding, overcoming, and being cleansed; it also essentially entails doing good, being good and becoming better.” Liahona. November, 2007. Living a life to just accomplish the minimum robs not only ourselves but everyone around us of the fullness of life.
In our materialistic society one often contemplates what can be achieved monetarily as opposed to how one might grow, progress and become a better person for doing it. We should encourage all to excel to the best of their ability in all they do, instead of concentrating on the least they can do and still achieve their ultimate goals.
In Relief Society the other day a sister made the comment, “Did we come here as mothers knowing everything? No, we really are just learning as we go!” That is a very correct statement! If we are learning as we go I ask myself, “What would I do starting now to develop in my children a “do-the-maximum-in-everything-they-do” attitude and to not be happy with just getting by with the minimum?” I would work along side my child and teach them to work hard and have fun while doing so. I would praise their growth and encourage excellence. I would never be critical of a good effort. I would reward extra effort not mediocrity.
Just a thought to ponder… The time will come when the work you do to support your family financially will end. Though many in life receive their self-esteem from their professions, what has more lasting significance is the kind of person you have become. The years of education and experience that benefit you are essential but how you share that with others along with the character development is what brings happiness. The fullness of life that we all hear about is really integrity, kindness, thoughtfulness, people skills, and a collection of friends and family. If I recall we are suppose to have joy and rejoicing in our posterity it doesn’t mention prosperity. Living life to the minimum instead of the maximum is a matter of choice, just doing the least to get by or doing all you can to excel and improve. One is very self-serving; the other is Christ-like and selfless. Your choice!
Thursday
Lifting Others
"You cannot lift another soul until you are standing on higher ground than he is. You must be sure, if you would rescue the man, that you yourself are setting the example of what you would have him be. You cannot light a fire in another soul unless it is burning in your own soul."
--Harold B. Lee, "Stand Ye in Holy Places", Ensign, July 1973
--Harold B. Lee, "Stand Ye in Holy Places", Ensign, July 1973
Saturday
Ye Shall Not Fear
Two mothers asked me this month how to deal with the fear their children were experiencing due to today’s world events. Between the natural disasters close at home and around the world, election bashing, economic reports, world conflicts and negative news in general, the world seems to be very fragile. It does make us all question our safety and stability.
I was thinking about the book, Little Women, by Louisa May Alcott. This novel based during the Civil War era depicts a family with several daughters. They found joy in their daily lives in spite of all the circumstances that surrounded them. Their father was away at war, illness hit the family and uncertainty of the times permeated their lives yet they always found joy in daily living and in being a family. Yes, it is fiction but the finding of joy, peace, love and safety in each other is real.
My mother was a teenager during World War II and shared with me several experiences of those years like rationing of fuel, clothing and food such as sugar, curfews with lights out, wondering for weeks if a sister’s fiancé had gone down with the navel ship, the Normandy, the blue stars in the windows of the homes signifying a son was away fighting in the war or a gold star signifying a son had been killed in our country’s service. She walked by one house on her way to school that had five stars in the window… three of them were gold. I for one would not trade my concerns of today for her generations’ experiences and fears. I asked if she remembered being afraid and her comment was the answer that the two mothers needed to hear. She said, “My mother and father never gave us reason to fear. We had love and security in our home. They were at peace and so they passed it on to their children.”
In both the book, Little Women, and my mother’s stressful times during World War II many joys were felt, fun experiences had, laughter, joy and security were felt. I’ve seen pictures of my mother and her family during those years. Those images showed everyone laughing, hugging, family outing and parties with friends. The reflections of the faces in the photos did not seem to have a concern or worry in the world. My mother experienced a happy teenage life. Why? I feel her parents were the key to her security.
Elder Holland stated in the Church’s worldwide training for members in February, “With all that’s happening around us, internationally and otherwise. I think there’s a lot of fear. I hear a lot of fear among our young single adults and teenagers wondering whether there’s going to be a future. It’s always been tough. There has never been a time in the history of the world when there weren’t problems, when there weren’t things to be fearful about. That’s why we have the gospel. We can’t live in fear… not in this Church… that somehow things aren’t going to work out or that there’s too much that’s ominous out there that’s going to strike. That can be personal fear or collective fear for civilization. We just need to live the gospel and summon our faith and get answers to our prayers and go forward. That’s the way it’s always been done.”
The secret of coping with fear is… faith in the gospel plan, knowledge that you are loved and known by a loving Heavenly Father. Safety is felt in a loving home environment; feelings of security happen when you have prepared physically for any natural disaster or economic recession that could occur. Mentally… when you feel gratitude for what you have… what you have is enough because you are not constantly wishing you had more.
If our trust is put in things of the world then we do have need to fear. As life changes around us physically our faith and trust should be in the Lord’s plan and what he has in store for us. With that knowledge there is no need to fear. Principles and gospel life style will never change and will bring security to our lives. The iron rod is there if we will hold on to it.
Children are generally unaware of world changes. They are more aware of changes within the walls of their home. Our place as mothers is to not let your fears become your child’s fear. Create a home of love, rules, consistency, happiness and laughter, a place where the world’s problems are not the main concern. Turn off the media that may bring those feelings of fear into their lives. Let them feel the peace that the gospel can bring and the love, calmness and security that you can give them.
Weakness of Youth
We have all heard the phrase, “The weakness of youth.” I was reflecting upon that concept the other day and came to the conclusion that the only inherent “weakness” teens have is “lack of experience.” The challenge for teens is in their ability or inability to listen and seek advice from one who has experienced a particular situation before.
Now that I’m an adult, I can better comprehend the wise words of Cicero who said, “He who studies only his own generation always stays a child.” I remember as a teen, sitting in a standards night when my Stake President introduced the concept to me of not dating until you are 16 years of age. This was the first time I had heard such a guideline and remember thinking to myself… “What does he know about dating? Look how old he is!” I didn’t consider my lack of experience nor did I comprehend or value his years of experience. I have since learned how wise his counsel really was.
A while ago I was with a group of teenagers who were all passing around teen and fashion magazines and talking about who’s who in the movies. I couldn’t help but wonder whose values these teens were internalizing. I reflected upon the movie stars they were idolizing. In just a short time, these celebrities will no longer be in the limelight nor will the trends and fashions they set. These movie stars are not like the stars in the sky, which are constants and guide us when we are lost and need direction. They are more like the supernova, a star that bursts into extreme brilliance only to disappear within a short time from the world’s view. Those who adore and worship these stars will drift in the world until the next trendsetter appears when they will again emulate yet another’s trends and value system. My life’s experience has seen this happen over and over again.
Contrast that experience with the activity our youth had at mutual a while back. They were asked to read an issue of The New Era and then play a game using the knowledge learned from the magazine. The concepts and trends they read about from The New Era magazine are constant, enabling those who read and apply to gain their own permanence of light. We should keep our bearings and direction by the stars… but the right ones that are constant and true, not the stars we see on the cover of sports, teen or music magazines.
As mom’s we can help our teens find their bearings. We cannot keep our teens locked away. They must mature while sifting through the myriads of messages and directions they receive from the world. We can provide them a compass of truth within our homes. To illustrate this, the term I would like to use is “Mormonize your home.” Control your home’s environment with good music, good books, including Church publications, uplifting artwork on your walls (not teen idols), clean atmosphere, kind words of encouragement, laughter, conversation around inspiring and uplifting words from wise leaders, anything that is virtuous, lovely, praiseworthy or of good report… and the list could go on. All these concepts will help your teen see a contrast in the world of, “Whom should I be like?” “Who should I follow?”
True stars are steady and constant giving off light that it receives from the sun (Son). When following the North Star its direction is always sure keeping you on a true path. This sounds to me like a wise Stake President giving admonition and counsel at a standards night. The stars we should emulate and follow should be our prophets, general authorities, wise parents, wise leaders and teachers who have had experience to make up for our own lack of it. Yes, people who are older, who have had been where you are today.
Hopefully it will be said about our children…“They are young but study old books,” old books that have experience.
Warriors of Nobility
I was once asked which scriptural prophet I would most like to meet and interview. Without hesitation I responded “Joseph of the Old Testament, the son of Jacob, with the coat of many colors.” He has my admiration because when approached by Potiphar’s wife he fled! He didn’t linger around to teach her correct moral principles. Instead he had the strength of character and the wisdom to see the danger in staying. To me those are qualities to admire and in my own thought process I think, “If he can be strong in adversity, so can I”. Later while pondering this question I started remembering a long list of great heroes with strong characteristics that we read about in our scriptures. These great examples should be imbedded into our children’s hearts and minds so they can develop these same traits into their own character.
My son wrote home from the mission field that he had a companion who had been caught up with a sub-culture group on his high school campus. They all wore black, stayed together and outwardly display somber attitudes. My son mentioned how he admired his companion’s strength in leaving the acceptance and comforts afforded by these friends. His decision to serve a mission required changing his life and leaving friends who held vastly different outlooks on life. It was my son’s next comment that made my heart ache, observing that the attitudes his companion fostered during this formative time of character building had affected his ability to be an effective missionary. I thought again of Joseph in Egypt who had the strength to flee instead of seeing if he could change the attitude and motives of Potiphar’s wife. He recognized evil and knew when to flee and not look back. Why didn’t this young man know how and when to turn away from influences that would pull him a different direction?
How many of our children are caught up in similar situations that will lead them away from what our Father in Heaven really has in store for them. A lyric from one of Saturday’s Warriors songs calls our youth, “warriors of great nobility.” Do they really see themselves as such? Can they stand and fight for truth and righteousness…even if they stand alone? How can we teach them to recognize good from evil? We encourage them to have charity for others, reach out to those who are not like us, to be missionary minded, share the gospel with all and to help the weak of mind and soul. How can we teach them to do these things yet caution them of the dangers awaiting them outside our homes? There are people who want to pull them down; who don’t want them to have high standards; who would love to see them fail. There are those individuals who have no desire to follow light and truth.
I don’t think there is any one answer but it is a sure path down the wrong path if we as parents don’t encourage full church attendance and developing social bonds with church friends. That means full church participation on our part as well. When I was a Young Women leader several years ago one young girl, who attended on Sunday, never came to the week night activities. I called the mother to see if there was a problem and her response surprised me. The daughter was much too busy with school and extra activities to waste an evening in activities with young women that really didn’t accept her anyway. The years have been hard on this young woman and her mother as paths taken by choice and encouragement of outside influences have affected her church activity. The mother now wonders what happened. I also question the motive of parents who put their child on restriction from all church activities because they are grounded. Does that encourage our children to make correct choices?
So many examples of wonderful people are found in our scriptures. Maybe reading scriptures as a family is not possible for your family because of your schedules or children’s ages but telling them of people that you personally read about in the scriptures is possible. Dinner conversations, car time, emails and the power of a text message that only says “Remember Ammon” can be a powerful tool. We need to help our children remember those great examples of characteristics you want your children to follow. Ester who not only was beautiful on the outside, had strong righteous convictions on the inside; Nephi’s faith; Ammon’s courage and willingness to serve; Alma the younger’s ability to change; Abish’s testimony of the gospel while living without others to support her; the 2000 stripling warriors’ example of courage and obedience…the list is endless. For any weakness your child has there is a hero in our scriptures who has that characteristic as his strength. Teach your child to love that hero! Your children will develop the attitude, “If they can do it, I can do it.” Ask if your child knows more about the superheros on Saturday morning TV or those social icons followed in the tabloids? If so, refocusing needs to happen.
Our church activity can be our best ally in instilling wisdom in our children. Every week our young women stand and repeat the Young Women theme: “We are daughters of our Heavenly Father, who loves us, and we love Him. We will stand as witnesses of God at all times and in all things, and in all places as we strive to live the Young Women values, which are: Faith, Divine Nature, Individual Worth, Knowledge, Choice and Accountability, Good Works and Integrity We believe as we come to accept and act upon these values, we will be prepared to strengthen home and family, make and keep sacred covenants, receive the ordinances of the temple, and enjoy the blessings of exaltation.” The 13th article of faith states “We believe in being honest, true chaste, benevolent, virtuous and in doing good to all men…If there is anything virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy, we seek after these things.” The Scout Law states “A scout is trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean and reverent.” Discuss these qualities for their practical value helping them to internalize what they mean and that by living them their lives will be enriched. Teach them to know they are loved and accepted by a much higher group than the one on the local school campus. (It sounds like several great family home evening topics to me.)
Dangers are out in our world and being aware of all the strong influences should assist us in helping our children recognize good from evil and the ability to hear the spirit telling them when to flee. Our homes should be the place where our warriors of these latter days should be trained. Sister Beck, the general Relief Society President, stated in our last conference that our homes should be the mission training center while the MTC we send our missionaries to should only be a refresher course. How correct she is! Our children are warriors of great nobility, but let’s not forget that we are the parents who have been instructed to teach them. Our Father has faith in us as well. Let’s not sit back and think our children will learn correct principles on their own. That is just what the adversary’s team is hoping for. Be pro-active, raise your bar and teach your children through the examples of real heroes the goodness and strength of character that the world forsakes.
The Strength of Our Nation
I am awed at some of the shocking news stories carried by the media which causes me to ponder the changes in attitudes and culture our nation has gone through over the past 100 years. I sense that a century ago families stayed close, read a book for entertainment at night and worked together more. Pre-meditated violent crime seems to have been less frequent and moral values were of a higher standard. I question if the media today along with technology simply places our nation’s decay at the forefront because of sensationalism. The world today seems to be focused on the evil all around us. My children are exposed daily to topics and visual stimulation that I never would have dreamed would confront them. If I as a teenager would have been transplanted into today’s world…I would have been appalled because of my generation’s innocence. Today we take the world in stride as just the way it is. Technological advances have so much potential for good, yet certain forces likewise capitalize on them to advance evil. It makes me consider that the war in heaven is still raging for our very souls.
In pondering this topic I came across a chapter in the book, Standing for Something by President Gordon B. Hinckley. His remarks are so timely with all the issues that face us as a nation today. It is sound advice for us as mothers to help protect our families. The following are excerpts from his book concerning how the strength of our nation depends on the strength of our homes.
President Hinckley counsels, “Society’s problems arise, almost without exception, out of the homes of the people. If there is to be a reformation, if there is to be a change, if there is to be a return to old and sacred values, it must begin in the home.
There is no place, no environment more conducive to the development of virtue than the family. The health of any society, the happiness of its people, their prosperity and their peace, all find their roots in the teaching of children by fathers and mothers, and in the strength and stability of the family unit. It is also the most fundamental and basic unit of society. It deserves focus and attention. We go to great lengths to preserve historical buildings and sites in our cities. We need to apply the same fervor to preserving the most ancient and sacred of institutions, the family… Here are some suggestions how…
- Accept responsibility for our role as parents and fulfill our obligations to our children.
- Put the father back at the head of the home. Too many families have been denied the leadership and stabilizing influence of a good and devoted father who stands at the side of an able and caring mother in gently disciplining, and prayerfully helping the children for whom they are a father to. Who better than a father to teach his children what the role of a father should be…one who provides, defends, counselors, listens, gives support when needed, teaches the value of education and the miracle of self esteem that only a father can give.
- Recognize and value the supreme importance of mothers. Mothers provide inspiration and balance; they constitute a reservoir of faith and good works. They are an anchor of devotion and loyalty and accomplishment. As the keepers of the home, they give encouragement to their husbands and they teach and nurture their children. They provide security, peace, companionship, love and motivation to grow and do well. Women who make a house a home make a far greater contribution to society than those who command large armies or stand at the head of impressive corporations. Who can put a price tag on the influence a mother has on her children, a grandmother on her posterity, or aunts and sisters on their extended family?
- Celebrate and treat children as our most priceless treasures. Our lives have become intensely fast-paced and full of busyness. If our children are really our greatest treasures, it stands to reason that they deserve our greatest attention. The more time we spend together, the greater the potential for deepening bonds of love, loyalty, trust and devotion.
- Discipline and train children with example. There is an old proverb that states, “As the twig is bent, so the tree is inclined.” The primary place for building a value system is in the home. If the home inflicts harshness, abuse, uncontrolled anger, dishonesty, immorality, and disloyalty, the fruits will be certain and in all likelihood, repeated in the generation that follows. If, on the other hand, there is forbearance, forgiveness, respect, consideration, kindness, mercy, and compassion, the fruits again will follow onto the next generation as well. The example of wise, fair, honest, and loving parents will do more than anything else in impressing on the minds of children the important principles they need to adopt in their own lives.
- Teach values to children. The most important value to teach children is to teach civility toward others. The world is an example of hatred towards others of another group. Why all this upheaval? It comes of the fact that for generations in the homes of that land, hatred has been taught. Hatred for those of ethnic roots that is different than their own. The tragedy is the bitter fruit of seeds of hatred sown in the hearts of children by their parents. We can protect America against conflict between ethnic groups by teaching tolerance and love in our home. Conflict among the races and religions will fade when all of us recognize that we are all part of one great family, valued equally by our Father.”
Barbara Bush said in a graduation commencement speech at Wellesley College, an all-women institution, “Your success as a family – our success as a society – depends not on what happens at the White House, but on what happens inside your house.”
President Hinckley’s words are a great example of the value of a living prophet to guide us in these troubled times. Let’s evaluate our homes and the influence we have to strengthen and teach our children to be good citizens and to make a valuable contribution to our society.
The Dependable Ones
I wish we could all be sitting in a huge arena and share our motherhood tales with each other. I know everyone would enjoy hearing similar experiences and it would prove to us that we are all more alike than different regarding our thoughts and feelings about being a Mom. I had an epiphany the other day that I have to share with you, but first I need to give some background. One of my motherhood dilemmas while raising children has been different from those frequently talked about in general conference addresses giving comfort and advice for parents of wayward children. Though by no means perfect, my children have always stayed close to the Church so my dilemma deals with encouraging them to remain examples of righteousness and obedience. It has always been entertaining to hear my children relate the fun stories of scout campouts and listen to the adventures of misbehavior. A list of who played what pranks on the unsuspecting scout or scout master. I also find it interesting at eagle courts of honor everyone reminisces about those stories, savoring every detail. Sadly, I had one of my sons say to me how he wished he could get the attention that his misbehaving peer received and that it would be fun to have stories told about him that everyone loved to hear. Sometimes I personally feel we reward bad actions simply by our attention of them. This is an example of what I call the Brother of the Prodigal Son Syndrome. We reward bad behavior with attention while good behavior remains unnoticed and often without compliment.
How can we deal with the feelings of the dependable child, the one who is inherently good and obedient? When a child is developing into an adult they don’t comprehend the full picture, neither can they see the rewards obtained by being obedient. All they understand is their misbehaving friends getting the attention from the adults, regardless of the negative reason for which the attention was given…sad to say, but true. Shepherds should be aware of their entire flock…even those who appear to have few needs. The prodigal son’s good behavior never goes unnoticed, their birthdays and advancements are never forgotten, trips to the ice cream store always take place and their well being takes up the majority of the adult leadership meetings while the dependable “brother of the prodigal son” who is always where he should be and will always there to fall back on, receives little or no focus or attention. The awareness of this dependability and obedience by a leader is not always the reward an obedient child needs or wants. As an adult that would sufficient, but as a child it is lacking because they also need time and attention. They just don’t demand it through misbehavior.
This topic has been addressed several times in our home over the years and as a mother all I could do was reinforce their goodness and obedience with my praise. My epiphany came just the other day as I witnessed my son’s understanding of this concept during a follow-up meeting after an event. My child’s name was inadvertently left off the list honoring participants who had made the event successful. As our eyes met I knew he was painfully aware of the error. I winked at him and could see he was reading my thoughts… “It’s OK, don’t worry about it.” Towards the end of the meeting another list was read announcing new assignments for individuals. While reading the names, the adult leader stopped when he came to my son’s name, paused for a moment and then said, “I know him well. He will do a great job for you!” I again glanced at my son and by the pleased expression on his face I knew that he finally understood and felt the rewards of being obedient and dependable..
Those few words brought euphoria and pulled all these years of encouragement together. For all you dependable, wonderful, “be where you need to be”, “do what is right always” children, the day will come when our Savior will announce to the multitudes, “I know him well and he will do a great job!” If our Savior can say to thief who was on the cross next to him, “You will be with me today in Paradise,” a glorious, peaceful place of honor, how much more glorious will our rewards be if we are always doing what is right and good?
The Ball Is In Your Court
I remember the number of games I attended each week with 6 boys playing sports. Almost every night of the week and every Saturday were filled with practices or games to attend. I knew I had mentally lost it when I started forgetting which game was where and with whom...I needed a map with a sports schedule attached to keep it all straight.
Did I enjoy them? This question became the subject of conversation when the mother of only one son was sitting by me one night on the bleachers. She was going on about how wonderful it was to get out of the house to enjoy a good ball game. She then asked, “Don’t you just love being here?” Almost as if a remote control button was pushed I paused that moment in time as thoughts of everything else I could be doing at home ran through my mind. Instead, here I was sitting at the ball park, a cold wind blowing through me with innings that never seemed to end as boy after boy took their turn at bat. Just as I was about to answer her question the coach yelled at the umpire and marched onto the field for a vile face to face confrontation and was immediately asked to leave the game. This whole scene represented another great example of team spirit and playing with honor as my son witnessed his coach and team leader being kicked out of the game.
To answer her question I could not help but think that after years of watching game after game…sport after sport…the involvement I enjoyed and literally loved was watching my sons play. I rallied my focus and watched in awe as my child participated, did well and loved his involvement in each sport. Did I enjoy the games and get involved in each play! The answer is no…I was not there to see the game because I loved it…I came to see my sons play the game because I loved them. That is the answer. I can’t say that I am like most mothers. I’m sure that some of you love every aspect of every sport including those coaches with errant behavior. Over the years I learned that some games are won and some games are lost but there will always be another game tomorrow. It truly is how you play the game, not whether you win or lose. I know those may be fighting words to some but from my perspective, that’s the way I view it.
To me it was not about the game at all…it was about my son who was playing! Games and sports were a way for me to stay close to my sons. You really can’t take them shopping or out to lunch where you just “bond”. With a boy you bond on the practice field and the game field watching him, cheering him on, making him think that he is wonderful and a great asset to the team. It was the after game activity that meant the most to me, driving home reviewing the game as my son eagerly chatted about the experience. This was more fun than the game itself. Talking about the different plays of the game or the strategies of the different players and coaches were the bonding moments that made the previous three hour game worthwhile! Were all those years worth it? That answer is definitely a YES! Would I do it again? Again, the answer is yes, because those games brought me closer to my sons. Even today we talk about the different seasons of sports, coaches and plays. They still remember every great play they ever made and expect me to remember them too. I don’t, but what is important is they do and still talk to me about it.
My boys have now outgrown those past seasons of sports and to tell you the truth I don’t miss all those games. My life is without regret in that area. I went to their games and enjoyed being with them. With the ill twist of fate though I have decided that life is cruel because now that my sons are older, somehow they still do not like to go shopping or go out to lunch. What is it that they do when they all get together?…They play sports… and if they are not playing a sport they are talking about them. So, what is a mother’s dilemma here? It comes in thinking of ways to stay bonded with our sons who are still narrow in their extra curricular enrichment activities. I have come to the conclusion that the ball is in our court though, if I can use that term. We need to get on their playing field, so I’ve come up with a strategy that works. Talk sports with your sons by keeping up on who’s who in the sports trivia world like who is the homerun king, why a coach picked a certain strategy, which team will make the NBA finals or which leg of the race they are on…then after those moments of bonding, take his wife out shopping and to lunch; she is the one who will appreciate it. See, it is a win-win situation; we really can coach and win this game of motherhood. It is all in the strategy.
Temporal vs Eternal
My daughter related an event that happens weekly at her college dorm complex. At one of the male halls the guys all meet together Sunday evening (no girls allowed) and share their week’s experiences with each other. Though these experiences involve all aspects of college life, most focus on dating and interaction with the girls. After hearing all the stories the guys then cast their votes for the coveted two awards, “Stud of the Week” and “Dud of the Week”. The two so endowed are besieged with cheers and congratulatory remarks. The privileged individuals hold the coveted titles until the following week’s meeting. The boys proudly announce the outcome to all girls willing to listen.
As females are excluded, the girls had an innate curiosity to discover what stories were being recounted. So one Sunday afternoon they secretively placed a tape recorder in the assembly room behind an object the guys would never think of moving… a vacuum. After listening to the retrieved tape, my daughter telephoned and we discussed the event in more detail than I can write here. She expressed disappointment because the true characters of several young men were revealed. Her first impression of these guys had been very positive but upon discovering their inner thoughts and feelings, which they so willingly shared with the guys, she realized that a handsome face or pleasant smile is only superficial. These three experiences that follow were the bits and pieces of our conversation after her revelation.
1. A classic truth was written in the book A Wrinkle in Time by Madeline L’Engle. Paraphrasing one thought contained therein is that everything you see is temporal but the things you can not see are eternal. The advice admonishes one not to focus on someone’s outer appearance but to see through to their eternal characteristics that really make them the person who they are. This concept hits home as we get older and experience the aging process. That cheerleader in high school will lose her bounce and the football hero will get a regular “8 to 5” job. Our physical is so temporal.
2. At a recent high school graduation I looked at the faces of those young students and marveled at how much life they had. They were all so handsome and cute; every student was glowing. I looked around the auditorium to see if I could match up the child with their parent seated in the audience. I only saw people who had aged from when they too sat at their own high school graduation. I could not match anyone because life changes our appearance. Later that same day I ran into someone that I had known several years ago. I hardly recognized her but when she started speaking the same kind, warm person that I had known previously was before me. Those unseen, eternal attributes were still there.
3. I was at a restaurant with my returned missionary son and his friend one day and our waitress was hovering over us. She was giving the boys all of her attention. They even commented on how cute she was. As the meal progressed, this waitress spent extra time talking with us, but her conversation revealed her immaturity and unkind inner feelings. Comments about the activities after work and negative remarks about her fellow workers soon made the boys disregard any impressions about her attractiveness they first saw. If only she knew the damage she was doing to herself. Her words were revealing her undesirable inner self. Suddenly she went from very cute to… “Let’s hurry and leave”… in a matter of thirty minutes. What a teaching moment that was for me.
In judging others we sometimes look outwardly first but often this first impression gets us in trouble if we concentrate only on what is skin deep. We bestow honor, praise or leadership to someone who appears totally wonderful on the outside only to discover later that the person on the inside needs improvement. Yet here we are letting them lead us or admiring them for only what we saw at a first glance and our first impressions.
Our characteristics and inner strengths are attributes not seen at first, yet this is really the person we are. Can we teach our children to look on the inside of others to find true friends? Yes, I feel we can. We can do this by example in watching our own judgments of others and developing our own inner self, and stressing that same development to our children. I remember the line… “The older I get the better I was”…which I think is funny, but it actually should be, “The older I get the better I become.” How many times could I have personally made better choices in my life if I had looked more closely for the eternal rather than the temporal? Guide your children by helping them become aware of eternal attributes to seek after and follow.
As far as the awards given in the college dorm…practical lessons have been learned! First, be glad that you were not the subject of the experiences being told by the guys. Second, live a life that will never get you on their story list and third, see beyond how cute or hot someone may be when judging the quality of the person, their true eternal self is hidden deep within… judge them not by what they wear or how they look because cloths fade and get worn out and age changes even the most beautiful.
Setting The Standard
I love this time of year as our family conversations turn toward France as we read daily the latest updates about Lance Armstrong as he is racing with his teammates in the Tour de France. I have my children’s undivided attention because I am talking about a sport they like. I like this sport too, but for a different reason. It gives me an opportunity to take a topic they are interested in and teach them gospel principles. The Tour de France is perfect for this. I’ve learned through the years that one should never miss an opportunity to take life and apply the gospel to it. When this is accomplished those moments of teaching and learning become your child’s value system.
I am no expert on the rules and strategy of bike racing but I do know and understand the basics or the “female version”. The race is done in several stages with an allotted amount of miles in each stage. The teams race across all kinds of terrain, in all kinds weather and as they do this, they encourage each other to keep going and to do their best. There is a winner for each individual stage but the overall winner has the best time of all stages of the race. They have rest days and in some places they have transfers where they are taken by vehicle to the next starting point. Finally the overall leader is given a yellow jersey to wear. It sets him apart to show everyone who is in the lead and who they need to strive to match.
So, what does this have to do with gospel principles?
We have had discussions on the different stages of our own lives. In some stages we do better in than other stages, while some are smooth others are more difficult, but it is the overall race that really counts and how we are judged. We can always do better the next stage by overcoming our weaknesses and setting goals that will improve our position in the next stage. (Set goals and make repentance a part of living. It is the striving that is your best ally).
Working together as a team and not being in this life for yourself just makes the race more fun and it is always easier when you surround yourself with teammates who have the same finish line to work toward. You really do help each other win the race you are in. (Choose your friends wisely.)
There are days that you need to rest. Choose activities that rejuvenate you mentally, and spiritually. This rest is really a step forward. It prepares you for the next stage of the race. (The Sabbath day is needed.)
Transfer days are going to happen and sometimes you need to rely on others to help you get to where you need to be. (The best gift we can give is to serve others and to let others serve you when you are in need.)
The most important lesson, in my opinion, about this sport is the yellow jersey that the leader wears. It sets him apart from everyone else. He sets the standard of excellence. He is the one that everyone looks for and watches. He is where everyone is striving to be. He is the example. (Be the leader. Someone needs to set the standard. Sometimes it is lonely in the front but the scenery is always better.)
Ask your children as they walk out the door for their day in the world… Is your yellow jersey on? They will know exactly what you mean and what is expected of them.
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