He Looketh Upon the Heart

In the pre-mortal world I know I stood in the line that read, “No Camping Required.” Next I hunted for the line that read traveling would be “on the planes” not “on the plains.” I got what I wanted too. Here I am with modern plumbing and travel across the country in only hours, not months. What I didn’t bargain for was inappropriate forms of entertainment, questionable music and media, and television that would have such a strong pull on my family. I always assumed that virtual reality was just everyday living but I’ve learned after seeing s few episodes of certain TV shows that are virtual “non-reality.” The show what fits this to the tee is Extreme Makeover. It is a full-out-war trying to mold the way we think about our appearance and ourselves. It purports that true happiness can only be achieved if we meet its standard of beauty, with testimonials to prove it. The innocent subtlety of all this began in the 50’s when the Barbie doll first hit the store shelves. Little girls grew up thinking that Barbie should be the image of how to look and it has been a self-perpetuating perception ever since. I personally like the Renaissance art period…not that is reality.

I’m not saying that you shouldn’t look nice. On the contrary, I feel one of the most important things you can teach your daughters are attractive grooming so they radiate their best. I just don’t feel that best is what the worldviews as best. I read an article that stated last year’s number one most requested graduation gift by young women was some form of plastic surgery. This tells me that young women today have a lack of confidence about who they are. One day my daughter brought up the topic of the reality show Extreme Makeover because everyone at school was talking about it. She made this comment, “Well Mom, after they have all the surgery to make themselves look good on the outside they are still the same on the inside.” Needless to say her comments lead into a great gospel discussion that I hope reaffirmed her wise insight.

The world judges from the outside but the Lord looketh upon the heart. How in this day with so many outside visual influences can we help our daughters understand the Lord’s view? Here are just a few points that I think are worth to consider. Please add your own thought to this list.

* Don’t personally get caught up with the world’s opinion on fashion and how you should look. Examples speak louder than anything you could say.
* Accept your daughter for what she is and don’t accept or encourage her to look like the girls in the media.
* Be her friend and cultivate in her interests in other areas such as art, books, travel, good music, sports or hobbies that you can do together. These activities will give her a deeper outlook and appreciation on life rather than just the superficial.
* Help build self-confidence by allowing her to make more of life’s choices. Remind her that through prayer and scripture study correct choices can be made.
* Teach her the value of true friendship. Encourage her to seek out friends she accept her as she is and build her up. Qualities that she has leaned in Young Women should be her guide: integrity, knowledge, good works, etc.
* Ask her opinion and advice, letting her know you value her thoughts. Tell her when she does something that impresses you or when you are pleased with her.
* Encourage her to develop the soft side of being feminine and help her understand the qualities of compassion, love, kindness, service and to follow her spiritual intuition.
* No success compares to your own success when trying to build confidence. Let her achieve and feel the gratification of doing well and making correct choices. Praises her achievements and create opportunities for her in which to have success.

Notice that none of the above points mentioned how to wear make-up or how to stay in style. Modesty and the radiance of having the spirit are always in style. True beauty comes from within. The person inside is the real you and I am becoming more aware of this every year as my outside looks change and settle as time passes. A comment I heard from an 80 old women that other day as she was talking about the effects of ageing was… “Well, I’m beautiful on the inside and that is really all that matters!” What an example that is… now that is not only truth, but reality.

In an address given by President Hinckley (Ensign, May 2001), How Can I Become the Woman of Whom I Dream? He doesn’t once mention how a young woman should look but instead focuses on how she should radiate. There is a big contrast between these concepts.

I have often wondered if just maybe the “Camping Required” line would have been easier to handle after all… These times are hard to raise a family in with all the outside influences that tug at our children but I have come to realize that the Lord has not left us alone. He did not send us here to fail. He has given us the direction needed to succeed in this adventure of motherhood. We have the ability to stand strong while using these resources just as our sister did in the past with their challenges in crossing the plains.