Time Out for MOM

My daughters-in-law and daughter amaze me with their untiring attitude toward their workloads. They do children 24-7 without complaining… not to me anyway. As I talk to them on the phone and hear the noise in the background of children just being children I admire and love them for the mothers that they are. The thought I would like to give you all this Mother’s day is the knowledge that these days will not last for very long so love the time you are in.

I remember several years ago when I was in the height of child rearing we went to a company dinner at my husband’s work. We sat across the table from one of his coworkers, a career woman who had earned well over six digits that year in commissions. But with three unsuccessful marriages and currently single it wasn’t surprising that her only daughter had problems with drugs and self-esteem. Everyone rallied around her giving advice to help with her daughter. It was also well know that my husband and I had a large family and that I was “just” a stay-at-home mom. In the course of making conversation she turned to me and said, “And what are you going to do for yourself this coming year?” Instantly my life flashed before me…one in college, two in high school, one in junior high school, two in elementary, one in kindergarten and a toddler. That did not include my business, a church calling and school committees that I headed, let alone piano and singing lessons or the soccer and baseball teams I taxied my children to. My response to her, and the only work that came to my mind was… “Survive!” I could see her thinking, “Really, what does a stay-at-home mom do all day?” I knew she had no concept of my life. She had no clue that I hadn’t been alone in the bathroom for years.

At the time this experience hurt because I sensed her disapproval and condescension. She obviously placed me on the bottom end of her value scale. Today I find humor in her reaction. I love the rewards that have resulted because of the heavy workload. I would not trade her salary for what I have today. It was also during this time of being so busy with everyone else that I discovered the value of time out for me. Not in a selfish way but in a rejuvenation-of-self way. When life got so full and I found myself being short with the children I knew it was time to take a break. I learned the value of self-development and enrichment. I once asked my husband if he could arrange his schedule to watch the children on night a week so I could to an oil painting class. He was always great to help me like this and even encouraged me to expand my knowledge but he questioned the cost of each lesson because things were sometimes tight. In my way to get around the cost I made the comment… “Well, it’s cheaper than a psychiatrist.” When put in that perspective there was no arguing the point. I took my lessons and a whole new world opened up, not only to me but also for my children. They took an interest in what I was doing and the real sharing began. They saw me learning just as I encouraged them to do. I saw the value of time out as a way to improve my family.
Time out can be taken in many different ways, but the first and most important way, in my opinion, is to stay spiritually in tune. Also, reading your scriptures, saying your prayers and going to the temple. Just put the gospel first on your time out list. I have found that you are better able to cope as a mother and wife when you have the spirit. It not only reminds you of what is important in life but also enables you to receive the revelation needed on a daily basis. It also gives you the peace and serenity that is so needed as a mother.

Setting personal goals keeps you progressing. Take a class, read a book, make a craft, anything that allows you to see results from your work. This validates your creativity when you can see immediate results from accomplishments. Rewards from being a mom do not come daily. Trophies are not passed out for diaper changing. Seeing results from your time out help you get through the days when no rewards are seen. Houses only get messy again and another meal is just a few hours away. The goals set and hobbies learned will only benefit your home.

Take advantage of your community. Visit places together with your children and bring another family along. The adult conversation goes a long way as you talk about your children and topics outside your home. Every community has parks, museums, libraries and places to take your children. Take advantage of these activities. Use these outings to stay physically active which will help you keep a positive outlook on life.

Fill your life with really happenings. Stay away from fluffy TV programs and books that give you an unrealistic view on life, motherhood and marriage. They do not uplift and edify your spirit. Make your life real by giving service to others. Go the extra mile on your church callings. I know of one young mother that in her spare time, when her children are napping, does extraction work for her ward. It gives her a way to keep her computer skills up, learn more about another country feel great about doing something in the genealogical area plus it gives her a topic to speak on other than her own children. Stay on top of what is happening in current events. Rise above the daily routine both mentally and spiritually. This will prove to be your breathing space when you need it.

Most importantly, don’t think of motherhood as a burden. None other than you, not anyone else, places unrealistic expectations of how you should be upon yourself. Just enjoy these days of being so busy when life is not your own. The rewards will be there. That alone time in the bathroom really will come again. I would not trade a six-digit salary for my family. You can’t put a price on love and the rewards that children can bring.