The Miracle of Defining Moments

The other day we were talking about experience that have defined who were are. It made me think back on special times in my life that I remember as thought they were yesterday. My baptism day and the way I felt in my new dress, the snowy Christmas Eve coming home from a family party, feeling safe and secure in our car, the leather smell of my first set of scriptures, the moment I knew I had a testimony, seeing my future husband for the first time as I saw him standing across the room from me, Holding my first child in my arms… these images and feelings will never be forgotten and will stay with me forever.

I enjoyed hearing my children talk about their special moments that have defined their young lives and it made me aware of how much we as mothers control some of those moments, either by the tone of our voice as we handle a disciplinary moment to the smell of your cologne or the time spent in just sitting and talking or working together whole teaching skills.

I remember a talk given by President James E. Faust. He spoke about his memory of the smell of cookies baking as he arrived home from school and a mother to greet him. He told this experience to remind us that we provide memories for our children… I could not help but think how times have changed since he was a small boy. I had to get over my guilt from his talk to remind myself that the smells of cookies are not the only memory we could or should make for our children. In fact, I don’t think my children have ever come home with the smell of cookies in the oven and I hope that is not a mandatory checked item on the questionnaire to get one into heaven. I have created other moments for my children that have helped to define who they are. I have cherished the times I’ve had with my child during a one-on one in the car as we drove from place to place or the planning and working on their school activities and clubs.

A concept in a talk given in sacrament meeting it was suggested that to a child love is not spelled L-O-V-E, it is spelled T-I-M-E. I can’t think of a better era to live in than this day when free unscheduled time is ours to use. It may not be used in baking cookies or in driving your children to practices, watching their games or sitting and visiting as family. Defining moments help your child build character and can be created in a number of ways, not just the hard farming work that used to be the main focus of yesteryears. Plan your unscheduled time to build memories for your children.

My brother-in-law, Bruce, related this story that illustrates how important the memory of a defining moment in our lives can be. After his father passed away and all the personal effects were stored away, Bruce rummaged through those things and found an old cassette tape made nearly thirty-seven years earlier. It was the missionary farewell of an old high school friend who Bruce still sees on rare occasions. Assured that this friend would find some value in this bit of history rather than just throwing it away, Bruce dropped it off to the friend’s place of work. The friend had seen some hard times and his testimony of the gospel had become somewhat tarnished. A week went by before the friend telephoned Bruce. He explained that his own son had just given his farewell talk in the church before he entered the MTC. Hearing his own mission farewell from so many years ago coupled with his son’s exuberance rekindled a flame that had frown dim. The friend was very touched by Bruce’s thoughtfulness and explained how uplifting it was to listen to him thoughts from thirty-seven years earlier as he embarked in the service of God. It brought back the memory of his testimony and what he felt was really important. It made him realize that the person he was now was not the person that he, at 19, had visualized. The friend thanked him for the tape and told Bruce how it was a defining moment in his life to hear the younger version of himself.

Defining moments are ours for the creating. Family trips, activities, video making, hobbies, building family traditions and playing and working together are all a part of who our children will become. Our important priorities will become theirs, as they get older. Our goal as mothers should be to create moments that will help define themselves as people of service and leadership. Seek out activities that will forever be in their memories that they can fall back on when life gets hard, moments that can remind them of who they really are and where they should be.