Gratitude Not Grief

With Easter approaching I have been contemplating what we are to learn through the separation caused by death? I am hoping those who have passed on are just as eager to have our loved ones, “come home,” as we are as grieved to see them go?

Our Family recently had the opportunity of experience the death of a wonderful father and grandfather. It was a blessing for us a family to take part in his care. He was able to die in his own home, surrounded by those who truly loved him and who had his best interest at heart.

With every blessing comes the sacrifice. Yes, it was very stressful scheduling his twenty-four hour a day care between family members and grandchildren, communication and miscommunication and busy work schedules. Not to mention his daughter who put her life on hold for nearly a year while she became the primary care giver and constant companion to her father. No words can express our gratitude to her and I can’t even begin to comprehend the gratitude and feelings of love that our father has for her. I only hope that her example of compassion will rub off onto my own children.

The joyful and happy side of the blessing comes in watching this life cycle. We would visit him, knowing that time was short, and listen to his counsel. We once asked him if he had any regrets in life. He not lonely shared them, but he also imparted his most important lesson of life. This man had been a college president, involved with the Kiwanis Club, a Lt. Col. In the U.S. Army Reserve. He was respected, praised and admired by the community as he rubbed shoulders with influential people. Many hours and years were put into his professional career to be successful. Yet, here he was in the twilight of life is telling us that the most important accomplishments of his life were his children and grandchildren. To see this softening and gratitude take place in him was a wonder.

We loved visiting with him and one day his golf-enthusiast son asked, “Dad, do you think there is gold in heaven?”

“Well, I don’t know but I hope there is.”

“Dad, do you think you could five me a sign if there is?”

“I don’t know if they will let me do that.”

“Dad, if there is and you can, let the sign be that you help me make a hole in one the first time we play golf after you die.”

“Well, I’ll see what I can do.”

We spent many good times with him. Those quiet moments will never to forgotten and always appreciated. My youngest daughter will always remember the last words of praise to her. My older children will remember watching his favorite movies with him while they were taking their turn in his care giving. His favorite candy, that he made sure was always in his home is now given by the children and grandchildren to each other at Christmas time. So wonderful was this opportunity that our grief has been changed to gratitude. We had gratitude for his life and for what he taught us both by words and example. Since he died, we often say, “Gratitude not grief.”

I have come to realize that growth takes place in both the one who passes on and the one who stays behind. I marvel at the wisdom of our Father in Heaven. Even though we miss him we know where he is. Now his body isn’t old and frail and he doesn’t hurt. He can do for himself once more. We even suspect he is organizing everything again just as he did in this life. But best of all he has taken with him the softening and knowledge that he gained in this life. Knowing him and his love for being busy and active I’ll bet the wonders why he struggled so hard to stay here with us.

And for anyone who is even the least bit interested… Yes, there is gold in heaven! A hole in one was hit during the first golf trip after the funeral!