It Takes a Village

We just took our daughter to the Mission Training Center in Provo, Utah. She is the last of our eight children to go on a mission. As we pulled into the facility the volunteer directing traffic pointed the way for us to go to unload her luggage and say our goodbyes. As we drove down the lane several newly arrived Elders were already there waiting to go in. As we pulled to the curb and opened the back of our car a seasoned Elder approached us. After warm greetings of welcome he asked her these questions … “Do you have a cell phone or computer?” “No, those were given to my brother.” “Did you bring your Immunization record?” “Yes, here it is.” His companion then took her suitcase while she carried her violin and off she went in her (longer than normal) red skirt and a smile on her face with anticipation of a wonderful experience that was awaiting her. I realized the tears I felt starting to surface were not for her as I would not have my daughter anywhere else in the world. The emotion I felt was for me because this event was the end of an era and the beginning of a new one.

Just a half hour before this experience as we were driving to the MTC we drove by an apartment building for students. As we passed it our daughter mentioned how this peculiar complex had a bad reputation. The young adults who live in the complex work or attend various schools in the area and choose to live there because of the fun and party atmosphere. No code of conduct is enforced. Imagine children being left unattended in a candy store with no rules or regulations letting their desires dictate their behavior. Compare that with what goes on when we are older without rules and boundaries.

We had a great discussion on rules and how boundaries need to be set for a happy life. We all do better when we know our limits. Who sets these guidelines of conduct that we follow? Parents, society, school, friends… they all have different levels and opinions of what is good and right or what brings happiness? Who do we follow? We all have a tendency to find the boundary line. With our “natural man” instinct, we push the envelope until we are told to stop. That is how a child learns behavior. In child rearing we allow our children to behave to the limit of our tolerance. If we have no rules about not jumping on the furniture…it’s a guarantee that your furniture will be jumped on. Rules and limits are needed.

As our children grow they seem to gravitate toward friends who share the same standards they want to live. I have seen enough of life to see what happens when a child does not have rules and punishment to fit those rules when broken. I’ve seen teens whose parents desired them to be popular and allowed the gospel standards to be relaxed. Some adults knowingly choose to “live in the world.” They break rules both morally and socially and ultimately end up with a false sense of happiness. I felt thankful for the bounds in which my daughter would be living the next 18 months in this formative time of her life. I know they will only bring her happiness and joy if she is obedient to them.

One of my sons was telling me about an old high school friend. He is not a member of the church and his life had gone a totally different path. No children and living with someone without marriage. It was interesting to contemplate how different his life would be if he had the gospel in his life to set a path for him. We cannot judge others if they don’t have our values but what we can do is follow the admonitions given to us that will bring true happiness and hopefully others will see that there is a better way to live.

As I watched our daughter walk away I was so grateful for the rules and guidelines she has been living for the past several years. I thought of the Strength of Youth pamphlet she received when she turned 12. She read it often and her Young Women leaders and Bishop quoted it regularly. I am grateful for her choice of a University that has an honor code and the teachings of the gospel that have brought her to this point in her decision making process. I realize also that she chose her path because of others around her.

I truly am grateful for the gospel standards and all the help I received while raising my children. Leaders reinforced the bounds that I taught. Gratitude for friends who lived within those bounds and family who helped each other make correct decision by word, action and example. I may have eight children who all went on missions but I will be the first one to say… we did not accomplish this alone. It takes a village to raise a child. We just chose the right village to live in.