Let Them Go

I thought about this day several years ago as I held my last newborn in my arms but I didn’t realize it would be in here in the blink of an eye. I’ve sent my two youngest away this past month, one on a mission to Japan which is a whole different emotion and the other off to BYU – Provo.  As hard as it is on me to stop mothering I know their desire to leave home is a natural process.  If they don’t, they will end up pushing away and resenting the fact that they are still at home.  So the old oxymoron phrase takes on a more significant meaning, “To keep them, you have to let them go.”  It really is too bad because after their high school and teenage years you start to like them again and enjoy their company.

As the bitter sweet drive to Utah began it was fun hearing the conversation between my son and daughter.  They have always been best friends and the last minute advice, older sibling to younger sibling, was taking place.  Sitting in the front seat I marveled at the mature advice being given on how to succeed in college from someone who just a year ago was heading in the same direction with no experience at all.  This made me realize that the best learning experience one can receive is just that…experiencing it yourself.  I don’t know how much of the advice given she will retain but I hope that she will be able to recall his advice as the first year away from home progresses and as situations arise.

First he gave the practical advice…1) Always study in the library, not in your apartment.  Keep your apartment as a fun place to relax, to maintain a balance. 2) Books first, socializing second. 3) Don’t procrastinate assignments, keep up on your reading and know your assignment deadlines. 4) Budget your time and think of school as a job. When you are there, be there mentally; schedule in both study and free time. 5)  Don’t be intimidated by others’ accomplishments; you are at that university because of who you are. There are always going to be those who have accomplished more. Remember that those you are comparing yourself to may have had only 60 in their graduating class compared to your 750. 6)  Seek others who bring out the best in you and those you would like to emulate. 7) Take a fun class each semester. 8) Keep you standards high and obey the rules of the university. 9) Develop self, talents and personality. 10) Have fun!

I had to turn around to see if that was really my child in the back seat who had only been away from home one year!  It was!  Maybe I should have sent him away earlier.  His counsel verified that life is often the best teacher because if he had stayed home with me he never would have learned that wisdom. I would still be mothering him today. 

Then he gave additional insight that I found even more profound. 1) People love to feel important. No one likes to be alone so make everyone around you feel that they are special. 2) Think positive thoughts. What you say to yourself determines your outcome.  3) Don’t just pray for good test results…you need to study hard for them too. 4) Respect what others respect.  It tells them that you care about what is important to them.  5) Never openly criticize. Use the phrase, “Have you thought about it this way?” 6) Learn to be happy alone; do things on your own. Everyone has their own schedule. You can’t have friends do everything with you because they are going their own way also. 7) If you do not like someone it’s because you have made up a reason not to like them.  So make up a reason to like them.    

I couldn’t help but think to myself, “If that much insight was gained in only one year away from home just think what two years on a mission will bring with the Lord being his tutor!” He did a much better job at advising his sister than I ever could have done.  His counsel only reinforced what he learned in his own mind.  I didn’t have to say another word as he had said it all.  Those principles he had just counseled his sister with he will also use on his mission.  My only advice to them was a quote I heard several years ago and can’t remember the source so who ever said it, thank you.  It goes like this, “Work without vision is drudgery; vision without work is dreaming; work plus vision is success.”  That quote sums it all up, even for us mothers who are left behind beginning a new life while we let our children go.