Silent Struggles

Those who have struggled with infertility know what a heartbreaking and difficult challenge it can be.  After my husband and I got married, we faced this challenge for three years before we were able to achieve a successful pregnancy through the help of our doctors.  Looking back, I remember many of the feelings that weighed on my mind and occasionally overwhelmed me. 

As my husband was in medical school at the time, we lived in a ward with many other student families.  Every Sunday, I sat in church and watched the mothers playing with their babies and young children and longed for that experience myself.  Baby showers were also hard for me as I was truly happy for my friends and their babies, but at the same time, discouraged about my own infertility. 

Because infertility is such an individual and personal struggle, it is often hard to share with others.  For this reason, only our closest friends and family knew what we were going through in our efforts to start our own family.   

During this time, I was working as an attorney to put my husband through school.  Although I found my job enjoyable, my family and close friends knew that I would give it all up in an instant to stay home and be a mother.  While I’m certain they meant no harm, I was often stung by the comments made by others about my lack of children.  I’m not sure why some feel that it is acceptable to inquire why a couple hasn’t had children yet or when they are planning to have children.  Perhaps most hurtful were the comments I heard assuming that I was choosing to further my career and putting off having children.  Little did they know that I had always dreamed of growing up, getting married and having a family. 

As I struggled and prayed for what I felt to be a righteous desire of my heart, I pleaded with my Heavenly Father to let me be a mother.  I prayed for understanding and to know His will for me.  I also prayed for comfort and peace as I did not want to be caught in a web of self-pity. 

After many failed attempts, various medications and different treatments, we were finally blessed to have a successful in vitro fertilization and to conceive twin boys.  Our challenges did not stop there though, as the pregnancy was laden with complications, including pre-term labor where we almost lost them.  Spending 1/3 of the pregnancy on bed rest gave me a lot of time to contemplate and to realize what a miracle children are.

Although we have been able to have children, infertility is still something we struggle with as each attempt to have a child requires medicines, doctors, and faith.  I believe we have come through this challenge as a stronger couple and more empathetic people.  I have made cherished friendships with others who share this same struggle and have been blessed to understand it in a way that one only can after having gone through it. 

Like infertility, there are many other struggles that people suffer through silently.  It is my prayer that we all will try to be more understanding, less judgmental, and more loving towards others, no matter what their burdens or challenges may be.    

guest writer... Lindsey