Temporal vs Eternal

My daughter related an event that happens weekly at her college dorm complex. At one of the male halls the guys all meet together Sunday evening (no girls allowed) and share their week’s experiences with each other.  Though these experiences involve all aspects of college life, most focus on dating and interaction with the girls.  After hearing all the stories the guys then cast their votes for the coveted two awards, “Stud of the Week” and “Dud of the Week”.  The two so endowed are besieged with cheers and congratulatory remarks.  The privileged individuals hold the coveted titles until the following week’s meeting. The boys proudly announce the outcome to all girls willing to listen.

As females are excluded, the girls had an innate curiosity to discover what stories were being recounted.  So one Sunday afternoon they secretively placed a tape recorder in the assembly room behind an object the guys would never think of moving… a vacuum.  After listening to the retrieved tape, my daughter telephoned and we discussed the event in more detail than I can write here.  She expressed disappointment because the true characters of several young men were revealed. Her first impression of these guys had been very positive but upon discovering their inner thoughts and feelings, which they so willingly shared with the guys, she realized that a handsome face or pleasant smile is only superficial. These three experiences that follow were the bits and pieces of our conversation after her revelation.

1.  A classic truth was written in the book A Wrinkle in Time by Madeline L’Engle.  Paraphrasing one thought contained therein is that everything you see is temporal but the things you can not see are eternal. The advice admonishes one not to focus on someone’s outer appearance but to see through to their eternal characteristics that really make them the person who they are. This concept hits home as we get older and experience the aging process.  That cheerleader in high school will lose her bounce and the football hero will get a regular “8 to 5” job.  Our physical is so temporal.

2.  At a recent high school graduation I looked at the faces of those young students and marveled at how much life they had.  They were all so handsome and cute; every student was glowing.  I looked around the auditorium to see if I could match up the child with their parent seated in the audience. I only saw people who had aged from when they too sat at their own high school graduation. I could not match anyone because life changes our appearance. Later that same day I ran into someone that I had known several years ago.  I hardly recognized her but when she started speaking the same kind, warm person that I had known previously was before me. Those unseen, eternal attributes were still there.

3.  I was at a restaurant with my returned missionary son and his friend one day and our waitress was hovering over us.  She was giving the boys all of her attention.  They even commented on how cute she was.  As the meal progressed, this waitress spent extra time talking with us, but her conversation revealed her immaturity and unkind inner feelings. Comments about the activities after work and negative remarks about her fellow workers soon made the boys disregard any impressions about her attractiveness they first saw.  If only she knew the damage she was doing to herself.  Her words were revealing her undesirable inner self.  Suddenly she went from very cute to… “Let’s hurry and leave”… in a matter of thirty minutes. What a teaching moment that was for me.

In judging others we sometimes look outwardly first but often this first impression gets us in trouble if we concentrate only on what is skin deep. We bestow honor, praise or leadership to someone who appears totally wonderful on the outside only to discover later that the person on the inside needs improvement. Yet here we are letting them lead us or admiring them for only what we saw at a first glance and our first impressions.

Our characteristics and inner strengths are attributes not seen at first, yet this is really the person we are.  Can we teach our children to look on the inside of others to find true friends?  Yes, I feel we can.  We can do this by example in watching our own judgments of others and developing our own inner self, and stressing that same development to our children.  I remember the line… “The older I get the better I was”…which I think is funny, but it actually should be, “The older I get the better I become.”  How many times could I have personally made better choices in my life if I had looked more closely for the eternal rather than the temporal?  Guide your children by helping them become aware of eternal attributes to seek after and follow.

As far as the awards given in the college dorm…practical lessons have been learned!  First, be glad that you were not the subject of the experiences being told by the guys.  Second, live a life that will never get you on their story list and third, see beyond how cute or hot someone may be when judging the quality of the person, their true eternal self is hidden deep within… judge them not by what they wear or how they look because cloths fade and get worn out and age changes even the most beautiful.