If I Could

After the holiday season I drove my daughter to the airport to catch her fight back to school.  Along the way we chatted about her class schedule, the new roommate she was excited to meet, her dreams, goals and aspirations.  The drive was too short and not enough “talk” could get packed into those last few minutes.  The traffic security guard at the airport was standing there with his hand waving and his whistle blowing without feeling or emotion; keeping the traffic moving was his sole purpose.  A quick hug, an “I love you” then off through the revolving doors she went… and was gone.

Alone in the car feeling the void from lack of companionship the deafening silence enveloped around me. I took a deep breath and pulled away from the curb.  I couldn’t help but think of the lines in the song If I Could.  It goes, “If I could I would try to shield your innocence from time but the part of life I gave you isn't mine.  I've watched you grow so I could let you go.” There’s tough reality and truth in those words but the part about letting them go is the aspect of life we didn’t read about in the fine print when we signed up for motherhood.

The drive home alone gave me time to refocus, pull my emotions together and to remind myself that this is a good thing. Where else would I rather her be? I reminisced about that time in my life with a full palette of experiences ahead of me when as a young woman I wanted and needed to pull away from home. I remembered the confidence in making my own decisions and I also remembered the support and encouragement I received from my parents to move on and leave the security of their home.  I accomplished what they keep encouraging me to do, becoming my own person.  Thinking back on my daughter disappearing through those revolving doors I saw myself and knew that she would be ok. 

The old saying… “To keep them you have to let them go” rings true once again.  The challenge is our changing as mothers.  It is an adjustment for us to ease off and let them leave, understanding that our job is to encourage them to take their place in life even though we will be left alone.  What an oxymoron that is! Another line in the song is “If I could I would help you make it through those hungry years but I know that I can never cry your tears but I would if I could.”  I think I have heard those words before only said a little differently. There is a valuable lesson to be gained in learning from our own experiences.  We need to stop mothering and let our children learn.

So where do we mothers go from here?  All of us will go though this transition.  It may seems years ahead of you with a house full of little ones but reality is that we are all adjusting and transitioning as our families grow we just don’t realize it.  In pondering this concept I can visualize that goal driven, confident young woman as she enters into the revolving door yet out the other side should come a confident older woman with ambitious goals, greater confidence and a palette of past and future experiences enabling her to help strengthen others with love and encouragement, a woman who has learned to find happiness in her journey.  Our goal is not “If I Could” but “I encourage you to…” hopefully helping others to find joy in their journey in becoming who they are.