Here I Am

My two-year-old grandson has been visiting and while watching him I’m reminded that we all have an innate need to be important.  He knows and loves it when he is the center of our attention and actually plays it up. I am amazed that at such a young age he recognizes how he can command attention from others.  Our individual worth is first recognized with the validation from others who convey the feeling that we are of worth.  This knowledge is the basic ingredient for positive self-esteem. 

My grandson’s behavior is cute as a two-year-old, but as children grow older this self-absorbed behavior becomes an irritant and sometimes quite obnoxious. Self-centeredness is no longer cute as the child grows from baby to teen.  Somewhere along the way a child must overcome the attitude of who I am, and replace it with the attitude of here I am.  Shedding the attitude of being the center of attention (who I am) to the attitude of service to others (here I am).  This change, without drum roll or fanfare, comes softly from “trial and error” experiences.  Children need to recognize their valuable attributes and worth through actions of good behavior. What they give to others is more important than the accolades that are given to them by others.

It is a hard reality when a child first becomes aware that, “I am not as important to others as I think I am.” For example, your teacher ignores you, your name is left off the list, friends leave you out or put you down, you didn’t make a sports team, weren’t accepted into a club or organization or just realizing that the world does not stop when you want it to. We had a growing experience several years ago when one of our sons was overlooked for an award. All the recipients were being recognized but our son was omitted. My mother’s heart ached as I saw the pride of accomplishment of the recipients contrasted by the hurt of my son’s being left out.  We have all experienced this to some degree! Yet through this experience growth took place, as I was able to talk him through it and explain that human error is in all of us.  We talked about being center stage and the short-term happiness that comes from it.  We discussed the, who I am…look at me syndrome…as opposed to the here I am…send me Christ-like characteristic. I watched the transformation come over my son, as he understood this concept.  The here I am feeling put him above the hurt he felt because it is not self-centered.  It reaches out to others.  The sting from being overlooked was soon forgotten while the more important lesson learned of thinking outwardly and serving others will remain forever.

I can’t remember any one thing I did while my children were growing up that helped them overcome self-centered behavior but as I discussed this with my daughter she reminded me of a few things that I did, mainly out of pure survival because of our large family.  Here are just a couple of memories that she brought to my attention. 

Responsibility: I learned quickly that I could not do it all.  Each child had to help with housework and with younger children.  When a new sibling was born the child who was old enough to learn responsibility was given charge of the baby to keep him happy and fulfill his minor needs.  They knew this new baby was theirs to protect and care for.  To this day those bonds of responsibility are still felt with those siblings.  This started them thinking at an early age of someone else, putting another’s needs above their own.

Make opportunities for growth: Youth sports provide the concept of working as a team plus it broke my children in easy to the fact that there were others who could also do well. When my child got frustrated because they were not the best on the team, a gentle reminder came that in life someone is always going to be better, or win the award, or get the position that you wanted. But as their family we only expect them to be the best they could be at whatever they are doing.  Discourage your child from comparing themselves to others because this is never constructive. Have them concentrate on how far they’ve come, not how far they need to go. Teamwork helps a child understand that working together can produce a result that they alone could not achieve.  Team sports help them learn that one must share to obtain the desired goal.  There is no room for selfishness on the playing field.

Provide your child the opportunity to deveop talents: Piano, singing, dance, musical instrument, acting or anything to help their talents develop and encouraging them to share their gifts with others. I discovered a long time ago to surround my children with people who have the skills I did not have.  Our children in a small part are a product of the community in which they are raised. Church programs influence their attitudes and provide opportunities for growth and service. The scouting program and young women program are all about learning service and sharing your talents. 

Example: We have a friend who always is giving service to others.  Every Sunday for several years he picked up a single sister for Church who was in a wheel chair.  When he was out of town his children took over for him.  It has been fun to watch his children grow older…now all in adulthood; they are just like their father.   Our life style of focusing outwardly goes beyond your own actions. It transcends generations.

Ralph Waldo Emerson stated, “What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.” The attitude of not being self-centered is a learned behavior and it lies within us. We are born with the selfish who I am attitude to survive while we are babies but it is the here I am attitude of service that allows us to thrive as adults.     Who I am in the eternal understanding allows us to be the here I am person we should be in the present.