Walk the Talk

The other day at work I had a young mother approach me about her family.  Some of her siblings were not active in the Church and had made decisions that were leading them further and further away from gospel principles. Her heart was breaking as she watched them making choices that took them away from the gospel and what she knew to be important. They had all joined the Church as a young family when she was just a little girl and were active off and on during her growing up years.  She asked me for advice on something that would motivate them to get back on track.  I knew she desired a magic solution or event that would demonstrate to her siblings how wrong their choices are and would cause them to return back to living the gospel. 

I listened to her and could empathize with her sorrow.  I watched her two small children holding onto her skirt while teasing each other.  This scene, as they looked up at their mother with innocence, reminded me of a Rockwell painting!  How could I explain that in life and the maturing process comes the realization that the family you grew up in has passed to some extent?  The magical solution she wants for the family she was raised in now needs to transfer to her husband and children that she is raising and teaching. The solution isn’t magical at all. She must realize that life is not one event but a process involving rules, habits and events of consistent daily living and walking the talk of gospel living.

I do not have a doctorate degree in raising children but I have learned by watching and by example.  I know the value of having Family Home Evening even before the Church wrote the FHE manual. I remember my feelings when I heard my father say in a tithing settlement that he was a full tithe payer. I remember the great times we had as siblings when my parents were at the temple each month and also the family prayers each morning as we knelt by the kitchen table as we began our day.  I have often wondered what happens to a child when they live with inconsistency and a double standard that parents can sometimes have. 

I know that my parents did not watch R rated movies after the children were in bed.  They did not teach us to be honest and then cheat in their business dealings. We knew that Sunday was the Sabbath and used it as quiet family time.  My parents always had callings and we talked about gospel topics in our home.  Our home was a place of peace, trust and safety insulated from worldly influences. When associating with friends who suggested something contrary to what I knew was correct I was given permission to say, “My parents are mean and they won’t let me!” That phrase was my best excuse to stay on track.  My parents were examples of consistency in “walking the talk.”  I’ve learned that children learn more by what is done rather than what is said. Life is a process of many events not just one magical moment.

There is wisdom in following the words and admonitions that the gospel suggests. In The Parents Guide: Principles for Teaching Children it states, “The scriptures tell us that God ‘is the same … yesterday, today, and forever’ (D&C 20:12). Our Heavenly Father’s undeviating truth in word and deed permitted the Savior to trust his Father’s teachings and submit to the will of his Father. Similarly, our children will be more likely to believe our teachings and follow our examples if we strive to be consistent.”

Being an example and loving unconditionally is what this young mother can do for her siblings and parents but her children are like a blank canvas ready to be painted.  Her influence there is limitless by her example, love, kindness and consistency in living the gospel and applying those principles into their lives and home environment.  There is power in example by “Walking the Talk,” and joy in its rewards.