A Change of Heart

It is not often I announce my imperfections, let alone put them in print for the world to read. Usually I write about others but I had such an eye opener this past month I felt the need to share it with everyone hoping you might get a new perspective on relationships as I have done. I recently attended an event that was neither work nor church related.  It was at the end of a very long, tiring day and I just wasn’t in the mood to go.  Upon arrival as I surveyed the room, hesitating to mix and mingle, I thought to myself, “I really don’t want to be here and besides, I don’t like any of these people nor do I have anything in common with them.”  I left as soon as the first opportunity came, happy to get back into my own world.

An unexpected evaluation of my attitude took place the very next day when I encountered a friend whose mother who had just passed away.  She said, “I have discovered with her passing what matters most in this life is not how much you are loved by others, but  how much you love others. At the viewing everyone who came to say goodbye to her and I could honestly relate to them a time and circumstance my mother had told me how much she loved them as a friend.” 

I immediately remembered the previous night and what a selfish, self-serving attitude I had.  How many times have I thought to myself, “I wonder why that person doesn’t care for me?”  Instead of dwelling on inward thoughts of how many people like you or how many friends you have, the question should be outward… “How many people do I love and really care for?”  Something tells me that by truly loving those around you love and friendships will automatically come back to you.

Rethinking the past evening surely there were several individuals at that event who needed what I might have given them if I had just reached out in nonjudgmental conversation and become acquainted with them.  Sadness comes in missed opportunity. How many lives could be touched and influenced for the better if we would but love?  Instead of wondering if we are loved.

How can we teach this principle to our children?  I believe in encouraging a child to reach outward. Instead of waiting for friends to come to them the idea is to encourage your child to be the friend who approaches and initiates to make others feel welcome and accepted.

A great example of this is a story my daughter shared with me. “Recently a family was baptized in our ward.  They first came to know the church because as they were dropping their son off on the first day of school, they overheard our bishop tell his son, "Okay, now who out there looks like they need a friend?” ‘  What a different perspective to take looking beyond yourself and reach out to others.  Once you have that attitude, friends come.  Teach your children to love others and not to worry about who loves them.

So along with admitting my imperfections I will also express my goals.  A change of heart has taken place in me.  I will forever look at others differently and with more charity. I will not miss another opportunity to meet a new friend and to find something in each person to love. 

The following Sunday as I surveyed the wonderful sisters I interact with in my ward, I looked into each face. They are easy to love anyway but I looked at them differently. Looking past our differences I saw our similarities. With gratitude I recognized qualities in them that have been a positive influence on me.  I found in each one of them something that I truly loved.

The Christmas season is the perfect time to teach by example. Simple acts of kindness that your children see you do is the very best gift you can give them.

Elder Robert J. Whetten counsels: “Every unselfish act of kindness and service increases your spirituality. God uses you to bless others. Your continued spiritual growth and eternal progress are very much wrapped up in your relationships—in how you treat others. Do you indeed love others and become a blessing in their lives? Isn’t the measure of the level of your conversion how you treat others? The person who does only those things in the Church that concern himself alone will never reach the goal of perfection. Service to others is what the gospel and exalted life are all about.” “Strengthen Thy Brethren,” Liahona, May 2005