Be What You Know

In the book Abraham Lincoln’s Philosophy of Common Sense is the famous quote of Lincoln honoring his mother, “All that I am, all that I hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.” We have all heard that quote before but are you aware of what his mother said to him just before she passed away? Her last words to him were, “Be something, Abe.” I have wondered how many times Abraham Lincoln reflected on those words as he was making choices in his own life as the years went by. Those words, “Be something,” express every mother’s desire as we look upon our children and wish only wonderful things for them.  But just as Abe’s mother was not with him while he was making life’s daily choices, neither can we always be with our children as they make every choice in life. 

We can only hope that they will become what they know and what we have taught them to be. How many times have you heard the phrase said, “That sounds just like your mother or father?” Because, like it or not, for good or bad, our children become like us and take on our characteristics and judgments in making choices.  They internalize our examples as they watch us. Sometimes self-evaluation of our own choices will benefit our children in theirs’.

Events in my life lately have caused me to contemplate the power we have in our own lives and the power to direct that life just by the choices we make.  While reading one of my daughter’s Harry Potter books, Dumbledore, with all his wisdom, tells Harry, “It’s not your accomplishments that make you who you are, it is your choices.”  Those sage words have come into my mind several times this past month. 

We attended a medical school graduation ceremony where 150 students were being honored for their accomplishments.  I feel their success that day did not just start four years ago when they entered the classroom.  Further, it was not just one choice, but several choices, that brought them to this point in their lives.  When did those choices begin?  Who helped them make those choices or was it solely all their own doing?  Did every student get out of his or her education the same thing?  These are rhetorical questions only presented to invoke thought and I personally don’t know if there is any one answer to them as there are so many variables in life.

After rearing my own children and working with others in various callings and organizations it amazes me that this concept of choice can lead them in so many different directions.  One’s educational or occupational path is not better than another path, just different and tailored to one’s personality and talents.  I do feel, however, that every choice begins with a seed or suggestion or encouragement.  This is where we mothers come in.  These graduating students did not get there solely on their own aspiration.  Yes, they provided the discipline, but that cheering section in the audience with their support and encouragement gave an added boost.  These students had a team of teachers, peer support and examples to help them complete their choice but the main aspiration and encouragement of their choice probably came from their parents.  This goes for every child as they make choices during their formative years.

I just returned from taking 38 high school choral students and chaperones to New York City.  I planned and arranged everything and scheduled events so we would always be together except for a little free time to explore.  I was amazed that even though we all went to the same places, so many different experiences were later shared.  I realized that it was their individual choices of attitude and exploration that made the experience either wonderful or unsatisfactory.  The unique point here is it was their choice! Going to NYC and having a great time is insignificant compared to a major life altering decision. Choice is not appreciated until it is taken away and sometimes a bad choice can alter the rest of one’s life. I just heard from a friend that her 16-year-old daughter was pregnant and getting married.  Somewhere in this young lady’s life decisions were made that led to this crossroad in her life.  Things will never be the same for her. The accountability from her choice is now in effect.

I don’t know the secret to help youth make wise choices in their lives. With so many different personalities in the world all reacting differently I’m sure there isn’t any set answer.   If I did know, however, I could make millions selling that information.  For sure, experience is the best teacher and a child will learn from mistakes as well as wise choices.  I also know that a child needs to learn early about making mistakes. Feeling the results of bad choices will prevent him/her from making additional poor choices.  We mothers cannot helicopter in and rescue or defend their actions.  No doubt this is sometimes easier said than done.  The Lord gave us mothers the innate capacity to love and protect our children but there are times when they fail and need to feel the pain of their unwise choices.

My son is spending his summer half way around the world in Japan. Driving to the airport I kept reiterating the checklist of “do’s and don’ts”. He kept saying, “I know, Mom, I know” accompanied with that sigh confirming that he had heard it all before.  I paused, looked at him and said…. “Well, my son, be what you know!” Those were my last words to him!  I could tell that the time had come when he was done with my advice and admonitions. I felt a sense of relief come over me because the transfer of accountability had just taken place. His choices are forever his own along with the results of those choices. 

My last words were not “Be something!” but my words meant the same thing.  The transfer of power to make choices and own the consequences from those choices are now on his shoulders even though I haven’t passed away.   Saying this to your children… “Be what you know!” empowers them to make wise choices because deep down they will remember your counsel.  We can only hope they will reflect on these four words as they make daily choices in their lives.